The Quiet Room by Lori Schiller

Author:Lori Schiller
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Psychology / Mental Illness
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2008-11-16T05:00:00+00:00

I tried to escape. Tried to flee. Tried to punch them, wrestle with them, strangle them. Too late I tried to leave their world, tried to return to the other world, the world of patients, the world of the hospital, and nurses and dinner. I shouted for the Voices to leave me.

“Stop it! Stop it!” I screamed at them. “Shut up! Shut up!”

“Ha! Ha! Ha!” they taunted me. “Take the pussy to hell!” one said.

“Not now. No, later. No, later. No, later,” said the other.

“To hell! To hell! To hell!”

I screamed and writhed and fought with them. I covered my hands with my ears to block out their taunting. It didn’t help.

“Come to me… come to me…” shouted No. 1.

“To hell! To hell!” screamed the other.

“No! No! No!” I screamed. I tried to run. Nowhere to run. Tried to hide. Nowhere to go. Nowhere safe. They’re everywhere. A chair. A window. Must break away. Must break. Must punch. And I punched, and I kicked, and I flailed. The shrieking, the tormented, the buzzer sounding, running feet. Cries and shouts. They’re coming! They’re coming! I can’t stop them! I can’t stop them!

I must break something. I must hurt something. I must hurt someone. I must hurt myself.

Stop! Stop! Stop!

Far from calming me down, the very emptiness of the Quiet Room became the screen on which this terrible fantasy projected itself. The Voices spoke to me through cracks and vents in the walls. The overhead light transmitted messages to me. I couldn’t breathe. My skull was coming undone and the Voices became megaphoned until I was sure they would deafen me. I panicked. I had to make them stop. I had superhuman energy, superhuman strength. I literally punched a hole in the wall. I pounded my hands across the safety screen on the windows, opening my knuckles and fingers till the bones showed, and blood ran down my arms.

I was beyond even the Quiet Room.

From far away I could hear the buzzer’s blast echoing all through the other units, as the alarm pressed at our nursing station set off lights and alarms all over the hospital. Our staff had called for reinforcements. The big men were coming running. I could hear their footfalls pounding the stairs and halls. I could hear the thumping and grunting as equipment was being dragged into place. I could hear ice cubes rattling in a cooler.

It was going to happen again. I was going to be cold-wet-packed.

Cold-wet-packing was a form of restraint that was only used to calm the most violent and out-of-control patients. Most people quieted down under the influence of other methods. If the Quiet Room wasn’t enough to keep patients from hurting themselves, patients were sometimes given tranquilizing shots, and then temporarily put in two-point restraints with their wrists tied. There was also four-point restraints, where wrists and ankles were bound to the bed. Sometimes patients were strapped into Geri—for geriatric—chairs, which were little wheeled contraptions usually used for propping up old people. I broke three Geri chairs by struggling.

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