The Pursuit of Ordinary by Nigel Jay Cooper

Author:Nigel Jay Cooper [Cooper, Nigel Jay]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 978-1-78535-807-4
Publisher: John Hunt Publishing
Published: 2018-04-27T00:00:00+00:00

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Dan knew if he was to travel this path, he needed to be honest. Not with his dad, who’d just try and commit him to a clinic again, but with Debbie. She was his girlfriend, after all. He should be able to tell her everything. If he kept it to himself, things would spiral and he’d be lost. His life with Debbie wasn’t complete because he wasn’t allowing it to be. He’d been living a lie with her, hiding his medication, hiding his past. It was his fault their relationship was so grey, so lifeless. He’d never let her in; he’d hidden so much from her. In that moment, filling his basket with the food he knew he’d throw up again within the hour, Dan felt an overwhelming clarity. Ever since he’d left the Babalaway Clinic, he’d manufactured a life where he kept everyone at arm’s length. He’d felt more protected that way. But it meant he’d shut down, he had no outlets. He took pills to moderate his body chemistry and avoided intimacy in order to limit his social interactions—and he was going to stop doing both of those things. It was the only way he could move forward.

Walking back to his flat, preparing to speak to Debbie, he started to notice things again, things he’d been too dull to see when the pills were still in his system. The extra looks people on the street would give him, the second glances, like there was something about him they couldn’t quite reconcile. The street lamps shone a little more brightly. People’s smiles spread a little wider, as did their scowls. Then, people started to make him feel uneasy, like they knew something he didn’t. Then came the old habits, old coping mechanisms. Rubbing his hands together, gently at first, then a little more furiously. Friction, warmth, feeling. Feeling. The emotions he’d never trusted started to slip a little further away, taking the hurt and loss with them.

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