The Predatory Lies of Anorexia by Abby Kelly

Author:Abby Kelly
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: inspiration, self esteem, motivation, eating disorders, anorexia, self image, disorders, disordered eating, body dysmorphic disorder, bettie youngs book publishers, surving anorexia
Publisher: Bettie Youngs Book Publishing Co.

Eighteen

The Guardianship

With my eighteenth birthday fast approaching and Remuda Ranch almost two years in the distant past, things were worse than they’d ever been.

Since Remuda Ranch, my weight had plummeted making everyone around me scared for me—and threatening to send me back to an in-patient treatment program.

I was scared for me also, but for a different reason: I was scared that I’d be forced to get well—and that would mean I’d gain weight.

So far I had balanced controlling others to leave me alone, while still restricting the amount of food I ate, doing extreme exercise and obsessively counting calories. This made it easier to lay low and not subject myself to everyone always looking in on how much I ate; I distanced myself from family—as well as everyone else who cared about me.

While I was concerned because my extreme weight loss was evident to me too, I was concerned that if I started eating or stopped exercising, then I’d gain weight.

I’d long ago became an addict to the disease of anorexia, and was scared that it would be taken away from me. I had to make sure I wasn’t forced to go back to treatment.

I didn’t know how long I could hold on.

Daddy and I were back to bargaining, primarily because in over a year, I had still not reached the weight goal that Remuda set for me.

“Abby, you need to reach 118 pounds by the New Year,” Dad said.

“If you don’t, we are going to seriously look into inpatient treatment options again.”

Fall had come and it was one of the last long nights of summer. The goblins and ghosts of Halloween began popping up in stores everywhere. It had been almost exactly three years since my dad and I had a similar conversation.

Now we stood in the empty garage, shedding mud boots and coveralls after feeding the three dogs, I leaned against the wall so as to pull a stubborn boot over my heel.

“But,” I stopped quickly; Dad hated to be interrupted.

“But, if you reach 118,” he hurried to finish the thought, “and maintain it through graduation in May, you can have the Honda free and clear.”

Images of car keys danced in my head, but I had a long way to go to take him up on the bribe.

“There’s another part to this deal,” Dad continued. “Let’s go inside. I want your mom to be a part of this conversation.”

In the kitchen, Dad pulled out a chair at the dining table and motioned for me to sit down. “J,” he called for my mom. “Let’s just get this over with now.”

Uh-oh.

We sat around the dinner table. I splayed my palms flat and analyzed the chipped pink polish. My eyes traveled up my arms tracing the crochet pattern on my oversized sweater. I liked wearing winter clothes; there was less of my body to see, less of my body to criticize.

“We have a court date tomorrow,” Dad began.

“What for?”

“Your mom and I have requested legal guardianship of your medical care.

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