The Power of Feelings: A Practical Guide to Emotional Intelligence by Vivian Dittmar

Author:Vivian Dittmar [Dittmar, Vivian]
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Publisher: edition est
Published: 2015-12-03T05:00:00+00:00

6 Absolutes

The causes of emotional suffering discussed here play a major role in exploring ways to heal emotionally, but we will not be able to achieve this without also gaining an understanding of absolutes, for they are the roots of emotional suffering.

Absolutes are based on the idea that something is absolutely wrong or absolutely right. Therefore, what distinguishes absolutes from interpretations is the fact that the former do not involve defining right and wrong as personal values; instead they assert our definitions of what is right and wrong as holding general validity.

Absolutes are common, as is emotional suffering. Everyone has them. Everyone has convictions, opinions, and points of view that seem so natural that we would never dream of questioning them. Some things simply just are, right or wrong, and that’s that.

Some absolutes relate to small things, such as the idea that unpunctuality is absolutely wrong or that people should be nice, courteous, and respectful to one another. Other absolutes concern much larger issues, such as the conviction that there should be no war because war is absolutely wrong, or that child abuse should not exist because it too is absolutely wrong.

To make one thing clear: of course I wish to live in a world without war and child abuse. It pains me very much to know what goes on in this world day in, day out. But only if I let go of the absolute that this simply should not be, do I have the chance to relate to these realities — and contribute in some way to changing them.

And I am very glad to live in times when a growing number of people share my desire for a world without war and child abuse. Thus, I live in a society which has made the interpretation that child abuse is wrong, for example, and which has lent this interpretation expression by making respective laws. I perceive this as right since it corresponds to my desire. This fact alone does not make it absolutely right, however, and child abuse continues to happen. Thus, we continue to need human beings who care and are willing to work to eliminate the diverse causes of such things. By subscribing to absolutes, we prevent this very thing by hiding behind purportedly general, absolute truths. In doing so, we delegate the responsibility to imaginary higher powers or authorize ourselves to do things which do not actually correspond to our values. Moreover, they have serious effects on our emotional composition. The following story serves to illustrate this.

The Incident with the Neighbor

I want to illustrate the implication of absolutes by using a less dramatic, concrete example. Let’s assume we find our neighbor, for reasons entirely incomprehensible to us, commencing the renovation of his apartment at 10:30 PM. Most of us would perceive this to be wrong. In general, this is because we like to have our quiet at this time of day. The noisier his efforts are, the more we will perceive them as wrong. But whether

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