The New Relationship Blueprint by Nancy Levin

Author:Nancy Levin
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hay House
Published: 2018-07-27T16:00:00+00:00

What If You Have Kids?

I’m sure some of you are thinking, “Nancy, this is all fine and good if you don’t have children. But when kids are involved, your own needs just don’t matter anymore.” It’s true that my ex and I didn’t have kids, but if we had, I’m sure I would have put their needs above my own 100 percent. And my clients with children usually end up as number four on the priority list: kids first, then partner, then the relationship, and then themselves.

Certainly, if you have kids who are still of dependent age, they’ll be number one most of the time. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. But even with young children, you can—and really, you must—find opportunities to take care of you.

Have you ever gotten angry at your kids because you felt resentful of all they need from you? Because you denied yourself for so long that you snapped? If you give yourself an opportunity to fulfill your own needs when it’s feasible, the snapping will happen less often. Plus, taking care of yourself models self-care for your kids, teaching them what it looks like to love themselves.

If your kids aren’t accustomed to you taking time for yourself, you might have to sit down and have a candid talk with them about why it’s important. My client Valerie is having some problems with her 20-year-old daughter, who thinks it’s “rude” for her mom to make plans on her own. If Valerie sits down with her daughter and explains what she’s learned from this book and our coaching together, I’m hopeful that it will be a teaching moment to help her daughter become less dependent. And it will allow Valerie to have the time and space she needs for her own self-nourishment.

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