The Most Low-down, Lousiest, Loathsome Things Ever Said by Steven Price

Author:Steven Price [Price, Steven D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Lyons Press
Published: 2017-05-18T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter

VII

Mightier than the Sword: Literary Vitriol

If you will forgive me for being personal—I do not like your face.

—Agatha Christie: Murder on the Orient Express

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All morons hate it when you call them a moron.

—J.D. Salinger: The Catcher in the Rye

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This wasn’t just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

—Dorothy Parker: Women Know Everything!

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I desire that we be better strangers.

—William Shakespeare: As You Like It

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Even on Central Avenue, not the quietest dressed street in the world, he looked about as inconspicuous as a tarantula on a slice of angel food.

—Raymond Chandler: Farewell My Lovely

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Mrs. Joe was a very clean housekeeper, but had an exquisite art of making her cleanliness more uncomfortable and unacceptable than dirt itself.

—Charles Dickens: Great Expectations

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You’ve got a nice-looking husband.

Maybe I ought to fix you up with him. After all, you’re both analysts. You’d have a lot in common. You could b****r each other under a picture of Freud.

—Erica Jong: Fear of Flying

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It’s no use telling me that there are bad aunts and good aunts. At the core, they are all alike. Sooner or later, out pops the cloven hoof.

—P. G. Wodehouse: The Code of the Woosters

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“IM GOING TO GET YOU YOU C*** YOU F***ING B*****D. And when I do—The whole world will Know That you destroyed Part of my childhood, TRACEY EMIN”

—Tracey Emin: Strangeland

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Pack you hence, therefore, you hypocrites, to your sheep-dogs; get you gone, you dissemblers, to the devil! Hay! What, are you there yet? I renounce my part of Papimanie, if I snatch you, Grr, Grrr, Grrrrrr. Avaunt, avaunt! Will you not be gone? May you never shit till you be soundly lashed with stirrup leather, never piss but by the strapado, nor be otherwise warmed than by the bastinado.

—François Rabelais: Gargantua and Pantagruel (Book 3)

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First of all, this prince is an idiot, and, secondly, he is a fool—knows nothing of the world, has no place in it. Whom can he be shown to? Where can you take him to?

—Fyodor Dostoyevsky: The Idiot

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If your brains were dynamite there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.

—Kurt Vonnegut: Timequake

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You’re a beast and a swine and a bloody, bloody thief!

—William Golding: Lord of the Flies

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You’re not worth the trouble it’d take to hit you. You’re not worth the powder it’d take to blow you up. You’re an empty, hollow f*****g shell of a woman . . .

—Richard Yates: Revolutionary Road

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You’re history, Donohue. You think countries run the f***ing world! Go back to f***ing Sunday school.

—John Le Carre: The Constant Gardener

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You blithering idiot! . . . You festering gumboil! You fleabitten fungus! . . . You bursting blister! You moth-eaten maggot!

—Roald Dahl: Matilda

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Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have.

—J. K. Rowling: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

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Well, well, well, well. If it isn’t fat, stinking billygoat Billy-Boy in poison. How art thou, thy globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip-oil? Come and get one in the garbles, if you have any garbles, you eunuch jelly thou.

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