The Jewish Wedding Now by Anita Diamant

Author:Anita Diamant
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner

Once you enter the water, take a breath, release it, and submerge completely. Open your hands. Listen to the beating of your heart. You need only stay under for a moment or two. After rising from the water, your witness pronounces the immersion kasher (complete). Recite the blessing for immersion and then immerse two more times. It is customary to follow the second or third immersion with a Shehecheyanu, the blessing of thanksgiving, but there are no mandated prayers; you can make up your own or just enjoy the quiet. (See page 111 for a prewedding mikveh ceremony.)

Some people prefer to go to the mikveh alone or accompanied only by a parent, close friend, or their beloved, creating a quiet island in time to reflect and relax. Others bring an entourage to greet them after immersing with song and to celebrate, following the custom of Sephardic communities, where female family members and friends sing to the bride on her way to the mikveh and follow the immersion with more music, food (especially sweets), and the application of henna.

Whatever your choice, don’t underestimate the power of this ritual. Plan the day so you don’t go back to work. Let the experience soak in.

Creating a meaningful immersion is possible even if the closest community mikveh is hundreds of miles away, or if the mikveh near you is not accessible or welcoming. (Unfortunately some traditional mikva’ot still turn away LGBTQ Jews and challenge the religious status of others; people who are not Jewish are not permitted to immerse except for the purpose of conversion to Judaism.)

You can immerse outdoors in the ocean, a river, or a stream-fed lake or pond—climate and weather permitting. The beauty of the natural world and the experience of fresh water add a memorable dimension to the experience. Modesty and privacy can be maintained by choosing a secluded spot and immersing early in the morning or after dark. You can enter the water in a bathing suit and slip out of it before the immersions and blessings, while surrounded by friends who can testify that your immersion was complete and proper.

When weather or climate make an outdoor mikveh impossible, people have improvised and immersed in swimming pools, hot springs, and hot tubs. These are not kosher immersion pools, but with thoughtful preparation, kavanah, and the support of loving friends and family, the spiritual and emotional power of mikveh is present.

Another water ceremony, modeled on the Jewish tradition of washing hands before meals, is available to everyone. Pouring water over the hands has nothing to do with hygiene. It echoes the practice of priests in ancient Israel, who washed as a form of spiritual preparation before entering the Temple.

The following ceremony can be done day or night, indoors or outside, by anyone—Jewish or not. You can pour the water yourself or have someone do it for you; consider using “natural” water from a spring, river, or sea. Take time to find a beautiful pitcher or a laver, the two-handled cup used for washing, and have a new white towel ready.

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