The Introvert's Way by Sophia Dembling

Author:Sophia Dembling [Dembling, Sophia]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Group US

Saying Yes When You Want to Say No (and Vice Versa)

Some researchers think extroverts are happier than introverts because social situations make everyone happy. Extroverts seek out more social situations, therefore they are happier.

We have already ascertained that happiness may not be one-size-fits-all, so this theory is flawed from the get-go. But we can also spin it according to your definition of social situations. For introverts, quantity does not make up for quality, and sometimes (often) happiness is a quiet room alone.

But although it’s true that we get cranky after too much interaction, many of us also get gloomy after too much time alone. The trick is learning to discern when we need solitude, when we need interaction. Sometimes, even if my gut inclination is to hole up, I approach socializing like I do broccoli. It’s good for me even when I’m not one hundred percent enthusiastic about it. (Although I like socializing more than I do broccoli. Usually. Sometimes.) So I weigh every invitation I receive carefully.

Some invitations are no-brainers. They either sound like so much fun I don’t want to miss them, or they sound like such hell I can’t imagine why anyone would invite me. But others put me squarely on the fence and I can talk myself into them as easily as I can talk myself out of them. I don’t always want to go with my default, staying home, just because it’s a lot easier. That’s when I ask myself a series of questions that will lead me to a decision.

Is the invitation from someone I genuinely care about? If this person dropped out of my life forever, would that make the slightest difference to my happiness or well-being?

If this is someone important to me, does he or she need my presence for this event? (I believe that friends go to friends’ parties to offer moral support, even if we don’t stay the whole time.) Would this important person’s feelings be genuinely hurt if I didn’t show up? Good enough reason to go, in many cases. Especially if it’s (a) a special occasion or (b) someone from whom I don’t get a zillion invitations.

I ask myself if the invitation is to something my husband cares about attending. Does he need my presence? Is this something I want to do as a gesture of love and solidarity? My husband and I have a rule that we are not required to attend each others’ events, but we also have the right to say, “This one, I really want you to come to.” As long as he lets me off the hook for some events, I’ll bite the bullet on others. And vice versa.

Is the invitation from someone I hope to nurture from casual friend to intimate? That requires putting in the time, even when I don’t feel like it. These invitations get priority, unless they’re to something that sounds like absolute hell. And even then, I think about it. If nothing else, it might show me a new side of a potential new friend.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.