The Innovative Parent by Erica Curtis

Author:Erica Curtis [Curtis, Erica]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Ohio University Press
Published: 2019-07-14T16:00:00+00:00

5.5 Bottle it up, literally

The sky is blue, the grass is green—When a child is feeling untethered, you can provide containment by helping him connect with his body and surroundings. Labeling colors and shapes that you see around you is one way to feel more grounded. Start by saying: “I see a blue sky. Green grass. Purple shirt.” See if he catches on. If not, ask: “What colors [or shapes] do you see?” Make it a game for younger children. For older children and teens, explain that this process can help calm the mind and body. You can move through the senses: “I hear birds singing. The washing machine chugging. What do you hear?”

Go big with big feelings—The four edges of a piece of paper or the walls of a shoe box offer parameters for creative expression, yet sometimes that space isn’t sufficient. When big feelings need big space, simply provide a larger container. Offer large sheets of paper outdoors at which to throw paint-dipped balls. Provide big rolls of duct tape and wads of newspaper to tape together. Roll out a long piece of butcher paper and give your children permission to dip their feet in washable paint before jumping on and running up and down the paper. Cover a bedroom wall with butcher paper and invite your teen to make a graffiti-inspired mural on it. These are some activities that permit big, physical expression within parameters.

From zero to a hundred in one second

Twelve-year-old Liam is referred to therapy because, as his teachers and parents report, he goes from zero to a hundred in one second. He seems fine and then suddenly blows up for no apparent reason. “It’s not like something happens that upsets him,” his teachers say. “It just comes out of nowhere.” It certainly looks like this, but explosive feelings don’t come from nowhere. We are simply missing the early warning signs that something is amiss.

Zero to a hundred in one second, as you and I know it, is quick. In the world of art animation, however, a single second takes a whopping twenty-four frames to create. To understand what happens in the one second it takes any child to escalate from “everything’s fine” to “everything’s falling apart!” we need to look at that one second frame by frame. With art, we can literally do this.

Returning to the story above, I worked with Liam to illustrate the stages of escalation by creating a chart. He selected different colors to represent each stage of escalation, starting with “calm and relaxed” blue. Atop each color he added pictures of animals, representing what each stage felt like in his body. He started with the “please scratch my belly, I’m feeling relaxed” puppy and ended with the “bared teeth, tense body, I’m going to bite you” tiger. By referring back to this scale, over time he was able to more easily recognize the subtle shifts in his body as he moved between stages. When he noticed that his body was

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