The INFP Book: The Perks, Challenges, and Self-Discovery of an INFP by Chea Catherine

Author:Chea, Catherine
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-02-04T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 9: INFPs and romantic relationships

“The course of true love never did run smooth.”

– William Shakespeare

My two cents on relationships

You might wonder why I've placed this section under “The Troubles in an INFP's Life.” Are romantic relationships part of our troubles? Not necessarily. But there are challenges for INFPs and people in general in this department.

My thoughts on relationships, in general, are that people often feel that an intimate relationship can help solve their problems and fill a void. And since they have not found that special someone, a part of them is missing. However, I believe that relationships can’t fill the void and it’s unhealthy to think that they will.

Longing for a relationship is a source of misery and only makes matters worse. It only focuses our attention on the part of us that feels empty, rather than helping us see ourselves as a complete and whole human being. It also sets us up for disappointment if we don't live up to our relationship expectations. In my honest opinion, swiping through Tinder all day is not worth your time.

I know people that have found a happy relationship through these dating apps and sites. But for the most part, I find that you’re more likely to have success by allowing these things to happen naturally as you live your life and focus on yourself. Take a class, get a friend's referral, or participate in an event. The chances of interacting with another human being is much higher, and you're doing something that benefits your personal development and builds your confidence. You won't find yourself bored or disappointed for not finding that special someone as other things occupy you. In the past, I found myself developing relationships when I least expect; I've had much more success when I put myself out there and trying different activities than I did when I wasted hours on dating apps.

I am currently single as I'm writing this book. I'm feeling a bit alone, but I do not envy those who are in a relationship as I've also been on the other side of the fence. There are benefits to being in relationships as much as there are challenges. Relationships are only part of the journey in our personal growth, but it’s not the end goal. It’s there to help us learn more about ourselves and not to fill the emptiness that we may experience (as we can still feel alone in our relationships). I’d rather be alone, than to find myself in an unhealthy or stale relationship.

However, I do believe that, as social creatures, human connection is vital to our well-being and that healthy relationships should be cherished. I am a fan of Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, where Aristotle describes that a person’s relationship with their partner or friend is a perception of their being. In other words, we learn about ourselves through observing the actions of those within our intimate social circle. This also ties with the Japanese proverb, “When a character of a man is not clear to you, look at his friends.

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