The Grade Cricketer by Dave Edwards

The Grade Cricketer by Dave Edwards

Author:Dave Edwards
Language: eng
Format: mobi, azw3, epub
Tags: Cricket, Humour
ISBN: 9781922129895
Publisher: Melbourne Books
Published: 2015-11-06T04:30:00+00:00


I’d sent my email to over 40 cricket clubs across most of Australia. The first nine replies were a cruel mix of bounce backs and spam. One club’s auto-reply directed me to an online pharmacy specialising in Viagra. Twenty minutes later, having duly cashed in on the 50 percent discount for bulk purchase, I returned to my inbox, where I was startled to find three positive responses. All I had to do now was show up at pre-season training, see which of the three clubs was the best fit, and my state dream could live on for another season.

I showed up at pre-season training for the first club, only to find out we were doing a 12 kilometre ‘time trial’ road run. After about 800m, short of breath and sweating profusely, I snuck off down a laneway and walked to my car. This club wasn’t for me. No dramas, still two more clubs to choose from.

I tried my luck at a second club the following week. As it turned out, this mob had recently hired a former state cricketer as head coach. Everyone was striving desperately to win the approval of this former state legend. As the new player, I represented a clear threat to the old blokes, but I hung around for the entire pre-season, toiling away in the nets, chatting to all the relevant power brokers to help me move up the grades. I was feeling good about my game; my fitness was improving a bit. I had even started wearing Skins.

A week before the start of the season proper, I was selected in an intra-club trial game that would ostensibly determine the teams for round one. Batting at first drop, I hit an unbeaten 88, at which point I was retired by the captain to give others a go. I sauntered off the field safe in the knowledge that I’d done enough to at least make third grade — possibly even seconds. The following Tuesday night, the selectors announced the teams for round one. I edged forward in my seat, listening intently for my name, but it was never called. I assumed that this was a simple oversight; after all, there was no way they could have looked past my excellent 88 not out, could they? I walked up to the selectors at the end of the meeting to find out what had happened. Having not been named in any of the five grades — five! — I asked whether they could check again to see if there had been a mistake.

‘Sorry son, but it’s a particularly strong group this year. We’ve got you on standby for fifth grade in case someone drops out,’ Harold, an 81-year-old club official and eczema sufferer, politely informed me.

‘But what about my glorious 88 not out?’ I implored.

The words ‘88 not out’ spat off my tongue like rapid-fire bullets. My delivery was well practiced; I’d been bragging about it all week. Surely my first score over 50 in six years had



Download



Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.