The Fifth Element by Terry Bisson

Author:Terry Bisson [Bisson, Terry]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Movie Novelization, Fiction, Action, Space, Aliens, Science Fiction, Media Tie-In
ISBN: 9780061058387
Google: 0a1ePwAACAAJ
Amazon: 0061058386
Publisher: HarperPrism
Published: 1997-05-02T05:00:00+00:00

Korben's doorbell rang.

“'Scuse me,” he said to General Munro and Major Iceborg.

Looking through the peephole he saw what he first thought was a fantasy, and then a vision from heaven. It was her!

Leeloo.

The most gorgeous girl in the world ― at his door!

Korben started to fling the door open.

Then he remembered General Munro and Major Whatsename.

“Shit!” he muttered under his breath.

“What is it?” Munro asked, worried. “Is something wrong?”

“It's uh…” Korben fumbled for a handy lie. How could he get rid of these two? Something told him he did not want Leeloo mized up with the military.

“It's my wife!” he blurted out.

“You’re remarried?” Munro asked.

Iceborg looked on icily.

“No,” said Korben, “I mean, yes. I mean, soon. It's a brand new thing. You can't stay here!”

“Why not?” Munro asked.

“She hates everything in a uniform,” said Korben. “If she sees you guys here, it's all over. Please! You made my first marriage hell. Don't screw this one up before it starts. In here…”

He punched a wall button. A conveyer hummed as his shower was replaced by a walk-in freezer.

Taking Munro with one hand and Iceborg with the other, Korben herded them toward the freezer.

“Major,” said Munro, “we have no time for this!”

“A minute!” said Korben, opening the freezer door. “It'll take a minute. I'll set up another meeting with her.”

He shoved them both into the vaultlike freezer.

“Be right with you!” he called out to Leeloo.

He jammed the half-eaten jellyfish cake into Munro's hands. “Don't eat it!” he warned, and before the general could protest, he slammed the door.

“Coming!”

A mess! The prettiest girl in the galaxy was at the door, and the place was a mess! Korben's long dormant hormones raged through his body, and he saw his apartment through Leeloo's perfect green eyes.

Disgusting!

He swept the dirty dishes off the table and into the trash (which groaned with faux-biological satisfaction). He rolled his dirty clothes up into a ball, and shut them up in the folding bed.

Whipping a comb out of his vest pocket, he ran it through his thinning hair.

Then with a smile of anticipation, he opened the apartment door ―

And looked straight down the barrel of a gun held by Father Cornelius.

Korben hardly noticed. He only had eyes for Leeloo, who Was standing behind the priest. “Apipoulai!” she said.

“I suppose that means Hi,” said Korben. Cornelius pulled Leeloo into the apartment, and Korben shut the door behind them.

“I'm sorry we have to resort to such methods,” said Cornelius, waving the gun menacingly. “But we heard about your good luck on the radio, and we need the tickets to Fhloston Paradise.”

“Is this the usual way priests go on vacation?” asked Korben, in what he hoped was a voice dripping with scorn and irony.

“We’re not going on vacation,” said Cornelius. “We’re on a mission.”

“What kind of mission?”

“We have to save the world,” said Cornelius. Korben sat down at the table and laughed. “Is there an echo in here?”

Cornelius looked at him, uncomprehending. “Oh, no,” said Korben sarcastically. “I get it. It's Tuesday, right? Tuesday must be save-the-world day.

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