The End of Everything Forever by Eirik Gumeny

Author:Eirik Gumeny
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Jersey Devil Press
Published: 2020-02-22T05:00:00+00:00

“Is this the right volcano?” asked Queen Victoria XXX, gazing up the sheer igneous wall before her, and then at the sheer igneous wall above that. The reddish-brown volcano loomed nearly a quarter-mile over the foursome, the blunted rectangular peak nearly fluorescent against the backdrop of dark clouds of ash. The luxury-tank sat idling behind the group, casting its headlights through the falling snow and into the distance.

“They never put out signs or mailboxes or anything,” grumbled Thor. “Should I knock?”

“Can we skip to the breaking in?” suggested Boudica IX. “I’m finally getting cold.”

“Yeah, all right,” replied Chester A. Arthur XVII with what would have been a shrug had his withdrawing electrical circuits been capable of it. “Lee’s life was electronics and he couldn’t handle the blackout. I’m pretty sure this biologist is just going to be another corpse.”

“Maybe she’s in the shower,” said Thor.

“Open the door, Thor.”

“OK,” replied the Norseman with a shrug.

Thor grabbed the door handle and, with only slight wrenching and buckling, slid the solid steel plate open.

“Hello?” he said into the darkness that greeted him. “Scientist lady?”

“Dr. Gonzalez?” asked Chester A. Arthur XVII, limping forward. “Joselin?”

“I don’t think –”

Several dozen thick, thorned vines shot out from the darkness and wrapped themselves around the foursome, lifting the trespassers several feet into the air.

“Son of a bitch,” said Queen Victoria XXX, thrashing several feet above the ground, reaching for one of the knives strapped to her thigh.

“I fucking hate plants,” growled Thor, flexing his arms slightly and tearing through the vines like they were significantly overcooked spaghetti.

Crashing to the ground, Thor began freeing Boudica IX from the thorned tendrils, only to be tackled by an enormous black batflower. Seriously, enormous. This thing was at least twenty feet tall. And that wasn’t even counting the massive earthenware flowerpot that dragged behind the plant, dredging a gulley into the slushy ground. Extending from the ceramic planter was a long black stalk, weaving upward until it burst into a mane of dark purple leaves. Sprouting from the center of the leaves were several dozen thin tendrils and a number of nearly-black pitcher flowers that appeared to be lined with teeth. Because they don’t give out mad scientist designations for not giving plants teeth.

“Holy crap,” said basically everyone.

The dark tendrils coiled themselves around Thor’s extremities and pinned him to the ground. He struggled beneath them, but they were proving to be much stronger than pasta. The black batflower leaned forward, lowering its flower-mouths toward the thunder god. Rows and rows of wet teeth glistened in the headlights of Chester A. Arthur XVII’s tank.

“Why are you mad at me, plant?” shouted Thor. “I haven’t eaten a vegetable on purpose in years!”

The largest of the pitcher flowers engulfed the Norseman’s head and shoulders. The rest of the group heard a muffled cry of “This is disgusting!” before even darker clouds rolled in, leaving them dangling in almost total blackness.

There was a rumbling in the heavens, then a bolt of lightning came streaking down, crashing

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