The Constant Rabbit by Jasper Fforde

Author:Jasper Fforde [Fforde, Jasper]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Hodder & Stoughton
Published: 2020-07-01T23:00:00+00:00

Cops & Kitten

‘Gregors’, ‘Greggs’ or ‘The Maccy-Gs’ are all rabbit slang for law enforcement agents, named after Mr McGregor, the villain in the Beatrix Potter Peter Rabbit books. In the dubbed-into-Rabbity version of Star Wars, Darth Vader is literally translated as ‘Mr McGregor’.

The Rabbits’ Dodge Monaco wasn’t in their drive when I got home, and Hemlock Towers looked empty. I let myself into my house, made a cup of tea and put the washing on the line. When I walked back indoors, Sally had dropped Pippa off and she was on the phone to Vodafone Customer Support.

‘Hey, Dad,’ she said once she was done, ‘how was work?’

She said it in a semi-sarcastic tone that I didn’t much like, but understood.

‘There’s something you need to know,’ I said, getting straight to the point, ‘about Harvey.’

I sat down at the kitchen table and I told her everything I knew. That I’d been on Ops and seen him work as a courier, and while he was as yet unidentified as a rabbit of interest, that probably wouldn’t last for long. I told her I’d seen his record, and his movements around the country coupled with the sighting in Ross suggested that he was heavily connected with the Underground.

‘His politics would indicate the same,’ she said, ‘but it doesn’t change anything. He and I just … connected in a way that’s difficult to describe. We talked about, well, everything, and he listened and responded and made me think about stuff, and I then made observations that he’d not thought of, and he liked that. Welcomed it. I really want to see him again.’

‘I know,’ I said, ‘and I’m going to quit the Taskforce.’

She smiled, took my hand and squeezed it.

‘What will you do for a job? We need money, Dad. I’m training, but there’s no guarantee I’ll be selected for a job at the end of it. It’s better out there, but it’ll never be a level playing field.’

‘I’ve got it all figured out,’ I said, in the way people do when they’ve not really figured anything out at all, not even a little bit. ‘I’ll just make more and more mistakes until I’m deemed unreliable and they’ll have to let me go. I’ve been there a while, so I may even get a payoff.’

It was probably the least likely scenario I could think of, given that Mr Ffoxe had already threatened to leak my name to the Rabbit Underground, but delusive hope seemed to currently be my best plan of action. Pippa told me she was proud of me, which was about the best thing I’d heard from, well, anyone.

We heard the sound of a car pulling up outside.

‘Are you expecting someone?’

She shook her head and I walked to the kitchen window.

‘That’s odd,’ I said, ‘it’s the cops.’

‘Taskforce?’

‘No, HPD: Hereford Police Department.’

Expecting this to be a complaint regarding the rabbits, I opened the door warily. The ranking officer was DI Eastman, who had been in the year above me at sixth form college. Her number two looked more experienced than her by about ten years and thirty bar fights.

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