The Child In You by Stefanie Stahl

Author:Stefanie Stahl [Stahl, Stefanie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241990810
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd

By systematically separating these three positions of perception, Herman could view his problem from an entirely new and much more appropriate angle. He spends much of his everyday life occupying the first position, identifying completely with his shadow child. He can’t see past the end of his own nose; he thinks only of himself and can’t muster any empathy for Miranda. Herman feels like a victim in the first position. In the second and third positions, however, he recognizes his role in the situation and realizes that he’s the one demanding too much power—not his girlfriend. This realization changes his feelings and leads him to adopt new modes of behavior. In this case, discussing compromises with Miranda much more often. To help him successfully transfer this exercise into everyday life, Herman and Miranda agreed that he can take a quick “time-out” when things get tense.

Herman is one of those people who protect their shadow child by building a wall between themselves and other people’s supposed demands. They withdraw from contact. They can often be found in the first position of perception. People who protect their shadow child by keeping the peace or adjusting to others, meanwhile, often face the opposite problem, namely that they struggle to create boundaries between themselves and others. They get stuck in the second position of perception, meaning they feel and think too much about what other people want and expect from them. These people need to learn to develop a better sense of what they actually want for themselves and what’s important to them. In other words, they need to learn to construct better boundaries. This book contains many suggestions for how they might accomplish this.

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