The Cheerful Scapegoat by Wayne Koestenbaum
Author:Wayne Koestenbaum [Koestenbaum, Wayne]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: MIT Press
Published: 2021-03-03T00:00:00+00:00
Who Speaks?
Ezekiel turned on the cassette recorder; he wanted to destroy the conversation in which he was taking part, and the best way to decimate an encounter was to record it. Today, in April 1978, a lack of conviction forced Ezekiel to blow his nose on a page from the Christian Science Monitor, to which his mother had given him a lifetime subscription. The cassette recorder stopped functioning; it shook, made a series of ominous clicks, and then the tape's forward motion halted. Ezekiel's lover, Ugo, a young man who worked for a prestigious publisher, said, âThe machine is broken.â Issuing this bland statement of fact, Ugo sounded distressed, or so Ezekiel thought; Ezekiel worried too frequently, and with an unattractive obsessiveness, about his lover's inner life. Ugo, despite his enviable job at the nation's leading publisher of vaudevillian missals, had a track record of mental instability that had caused his employers no small amount of anguish during his first months at the firm. âI think it's best if we leave our conversation unrecorded,â said Ezekiel, who had recently accepted a job as librarian at the university's medical school, which boasted four separate libraries, each devoted to a different humor. The university, courting controversy, retained belief in the long discredited notion of bodily humors. Ezekiel didn't know what humor could explain the grief that Ugo seemed to feel upon witnessing the machine's sudden failure to continue recording their conversation, which concerned the ethical justification for suicide in cases of severe malaise.
The conversation could have reached a pinnacle of jurisprudential finesse, if the recorder had continued to do its job. Perhaps Ugo would have been willing, if the tape had continued to roll, to confess the strange (and probably imaginary) fungus that he believed was beginning to form over his testicular sac. So far the fungus didn't impede sexual function; if the fungus had affected Ugo's ability to make love, Ezekiel would never have turned on the cassette recorder in the first place. The realization dawned on Ezekiel that the most serious mistake he'd made, since accepting a position as librarian at an institution with only a limited hold over the popular imagination, was to bring a cassette recorder into their lives, and to insist that the magnetic device not only serve to witness domestic investigations but to supply the feeble moral pulse to a householdânay, a nationâwhose humors were beginning to cry foul ball, if humors have the capacity to play the role of chatty umpire in a game of unlimited yet shadowy dimensions. The game's enigmatic nature was beyond the capacity of any blood, bile, or phlegm to adjudicate. That is why I stepped forward, despite my gout, and declared my verdict, in a voice trembling with emotion and vacillating in epoch. No listener could fix the period of my umpire-utterance, and so it had the power to revive the ailing cassette recorder, whose motor began once more to purr. I made sure to backtrack, in the narration I
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