The Boss of Everyone by Danny Wallace

Author:Danny Wallace
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Simon & Schuster UK
Published: 2023-03-16T00:00:00+00:00

After lunch, which we all ate together in the office, I notice some of the staff are a little noisy, probably because they’ve had fizzy drinks. Kareem is laughing loudly as he tells Dad a funny story about a karate kick he did. To calm them all down, I read another inspirational chapter from Pop Griffin’s book. We’re on chapter sixty-seven, which is called ‘Lessons I Learned as a Toddler’, and then I clap the book shut and make an announcement.

‘You are all doing really well,’ I say, and I notice Tim and Barry and Fiona all smile with pride. ‘But I feel like you grown-ups don’t really get enough feedback.’

Barry puts his hand up.

‘Yes, Barry?’

‘We do get a performance review every now and then,’ he says, and everybody groans. ‘They tend to be quite sad times.’

‘I wonder why,’ says Mr Jackson, rolling his eyes.

‘And I bet you get all moody about it,’ I say. ‘Then you go home and say you had a bad day at work and nobody understands why, because they don’t know much about your job.’

‘Yes,’ says Barry, and Mr Jackson frowns at him. ‘My son doesn’t really know what I do. He just tells the other kids at school that I’m an estate agent.’

‘Not everybody can be an estate agent,’ I say. ‘The world needs… er, what is it you do again?’

‘Accounts administrator.’

‘Well, the world needs accounts administrators, I imagine, so it’s about time they find out just how great you are at accounts administrating!’

I have no idea what I just said but it sounded good.

I absolutely love parents’ evening at my school. Even though Mrs Bonney is hardly likely to say anything bad about me because my mum is her boss, it is important that other people see how you’re doing so they can be proud of you.

‘So,’ I say, holding up a spreadsheet I made last night, ‘I’ve invited some of your family members in so that I can tell them what you’re like at work.’

They all look absolutely horrified.

‘I’m not sure that’s a good idea!’ says Kareem.

Why not? I think. Kids have to do it – all the time! And why wouldn’t they want their kids and husbands and wives and partners to sit down with their boss and hear all about their strengths and weaknesses as they just sit there silently?

‘It will be FINE!’ I say encouragingly.

‘Bob,’ says Mr Jackson, speaking over my head to Dad. ‘Can I have a word?’

Dad glances over to me, obviously asking for permission.

‘Okay, but don’t be too long,’ I say.

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