The Best of the Best of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader by Author

Author:Author
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2019-03-06T00:00:00+00:00

Humdinger: Hawaii’s state fish is the humuhumunukunukuapua’a.

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ZAPPA’S LAW & OTHER FACTS OF LIFE

You know Murphy’s Law: “If something can go wrong, it will.” Here are some other immutable laws of the universe to consider.

Zappa’s Law: “There are two things on Earth that are universal: hydrogen and stupidity.”

The Murphy Philosophy: “Smile. Tomorrow will be worse.”

Baruch’s Observation: “If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

Lowe’s Law: “Success always occurs in private, and failure in full public view.”

Todd’s Law: “All things being equal, you lose.”

Thompson’s Theorem:

“When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.”

Vac’s Conundrum: “When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.”

The Golden Rule of Arts and Sciences: “Whoever has the gold makes the rules.”

The Unspeakable Law: “As soon as you mention something…

• if it’s good, it goes away.

• if it’s bad, it happens.”

Green’s Law of Debate: “Anything is possible if you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Hecht’s Law: “There is no time like the present to procrastinate.”

Sdeyries’s Dilemma: “If you hit two keys on the typewriter, the one you don’t want hits the paper.”

The Queue Principle: “The longer you wait in line, the greater the likelihood that you are standing in the wrong line.”

Johnson’s Law: “If you miss one issue of any magazine, it will be the issue that contained the article, story or installment you were most anxious to read.”

Issawi’s Law of Progress: “A shortcut is the longest distance between two points.”

Ginsberg’s Theorem:

“ 1. You can’t win.

2. You can’t break even.

3. You can’t even quit the game.”

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