The Baddest Girl on the Planet by Heather Frese

Author:Heather Frese
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Blair
Published: 2020-05-15T00:00:00+00:00

People think lobsters mate for life. It isn’t true. After the lady lobster’s shell has hardened back up, she tosses her hair over her shoulder, tramp stamps her lower back, and gets the hell out of that horrible retro lair. The dude doesn’t try to stop her.

She packs her paisley suitcase and is ready to catch the next current to Australia, but something catches her eye. It’s her best lady lobster friend, and she’s all gussied up and prancing past the dude lobster’s lair. Her friend twirls her hair and bats her eyelashes and is all set to pee when the lady lobster stops her.

“Look,” she says, taking her friend by the arm. “I know he’s the dominant dude, but you should realize that he’s actually just a dude.”

Her friend doesn’t listen. She jerks her claw away and goes back to prancing.

The lady lobster thinks about this. The current comes, but she doesn’t take it. Instead, she goes back to her old lair and waits, because she knows her friend will need her in a couple of weeks. While she’s waiting, she thinks a lot. She thinks about why she thought the dude was so great to begin with. She thinks about pheromones. She thinks about the dude lobsters in Australia.

And then she thinks about how the dominant dude gently caressed her stomach when she was bare. She thinks about how he could’ve just eaten her but didn’t. She thinks about how he could’ve dug in his claws and stripped her naked body into bloody ribbons. She thinks about how, even though she’s over him, maybe he wasn’t so bad. Maybe he wasn’t all to blame.

A couple weeks later, the lady lobster’s friend steams out of the dude’s lair, hard-shelled and free. The two lady lobsters share some Godiva truffles and merlot, laughing about the way the dude lobster played Marvin Gaye and seemed to think “boobies” was an actual word. They watch as another lady lobster puts on lipstick and begins sashaying past the dude’s lair. And somehow, even though she never made it to Australia to check out the dude lobsters there, the lady lobster thinks that maybe things worked out for the best after all.

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