Tartuffe by Molière

Author:Molière
Language: eng
Format: azw3
Tags: Play, Comedy, Satire, Drama, Religion, Classics
ISBN: 9781849435758
Publisher: Oberon Books
Published: 2015-10-21T23:00:00+00:00

She grabs his arm, he pretends to make a great effort to get away.

VALERE: No, no, I’m leaving. It’s too late.

I’ve got to find another mate.

It’s what she wants. You heard her.

DORINE: Wait!

MARIANE: Perhaps I’d better go instead.

I’ll only drive him off his head

If I stay here. (Going.)

DORINE lets go of VALERE and grabs hold of MARIANE.

DORINE: Come back!

MARIANE: Let go!

DORINE: Come back this instant!

MARIANE: No, no, no,

You won’t persuade me to remain.

VALERE: My presence causes her such pain

I’ll go, and rid her of a pest.

DORINE: You put my patience to the test!

Stop this and come back, both of you.

VALERE: What for?

MARIANE: What are you going to do?

DORINE: Sort the whole muddle out somehow,

So drop this stupid quarrel now!

VALERE: You heard her. She was very rude.

DORINE: I don’t defend her attitude.

MARIANE: As if he wasn’t rude to me!

DORINE: I’m sick of both, quite honestly.

Now, let me make this crystal clear:

(To VALERE.) Mariane loves you, do you hear?

(To MARIANE.) Valère completely dotes on you.

MARIANE: Then why did he advise me to...?

VALERE: Why did she need advice from me

On such a subject?

DORINE: Honestly!

You’re mad, the pair of you. Come here.

Give me your hands please. You too, dear.

VALERE: (Giving her his hand.)

What for?

MARIANE: (Giving her hers.) What good’s this going to do?

DORINE: Sweet Jesus! If you only knew

How deep in love you are.

VALERE: Since when?

(To MARIANE.) She had to grab your hand just then,

You’re looking at me now with hate!

DORINE: (Aside.) Beyond all question, I can state

That lovers are completely mad!

VALERE: (To MARIANE.) Don’t say I had no cause. I had.

The callous way you broke the news!

That, for a start, you can’t excuse.

MARIANE: What about you? You’ve been a brute!

Is that a charge you can refute?

DORINE: Look, can we just let all this bile

Cool down and settle for a while?

We have to stop this marriage. Now:

Let’s just keep calm and work out how.

MARIANE: Alright, then, tell us: what’s the plan?

DORINE: Use every crafty ruse we can.

Your father’s clearly gone insane

The Tartuffe bug has got his brain –

Rather than have him using force,

For now, I think your safest course,

Is to pretend to play along –

That way, if all our schemes go wrong,

There’ll still be scope for some delay:

How d’you postpone a wedding day?

Well, obviously, there’s no end

Of strategies – you could pretend

To suddenly have fallen ill,

Had magpies on your windowsill,

Or seen a ghost, or dreamed a dream,

And variations on that theme.

Meanwhile, it’s not a good idea

For your papa to find him here (Indicates VALERE.)

Consorting with you.

(To VALERE.) Right, dear: shoo!

The master made a pledge to you,

You’ve got a handle on him there,

Start bringing influence to bear,

Enlist your friends –

(To MARIANE.) I should have thought

We’ll get your stepmother’s support,

Then there’s your crazy brother too –

We’ll have to see what he can do.

VALERE: (To DORINE.) We’ll leave no avenue untried –

My God, I’m glad you’re on our side!

MARIANE: (To VALERE.) My father may have fixed his course

But I’m not changing mine: I’m yours!

Yours unto death!

VALERE: What boundless bliss!

No earthly joy approaching this...

DORINE: Sssshhhh! Why must lovers chatter so?

VALERE: Whatever they.

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