Taming Your Inner Brat by Pauline Wallin Ph.D

Taming Your Inner Brat by Pauline Wallin Ph.D

Author:Pauline Wallin, Ph.D.
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Atria Paperback


9

Common Characteristics and Problems among the Various Brat Personae

In the last chapter, you learned about the different ways the inner brat can reveal itself. Most people’s inner brats “morph” regularly from one persona to another. This is because if one strategy doesn’t work, the inner brat tries another, and another, and so on until it achieves its goal. It manipulates you in any way it can.

In this chapter, you will see not the differences among inner brats but their similarities. As noted before, all inner brats have similar goals: to maximize pleasure and to minimize pain. They do this without regard for the consequences. That is why you often regret having said or done something that was initiated by your inner brat.

Inner brats also typically have a sense of entitlement, as described earlier. The inner brat represents the narcissistic demands that originated in your infancy and early childhood. As a young child, you probably exhibited bratty behavior quite often. If your parents did their job well, you learned less obnoxious ways of getting what you wanted. Nevertheless, some remnants of this sense of entitlement remain.

Another common characteristic among inner brats is that they communicate their wishes, demands, and complaints via bodily sensations as well as through language. You are probably familiar with the bodily tension you feel just prior to giving in to your inner brat. If you listen closely, you will also notice that your inner brat “talks” to you.

Brat “Morphing”: Ryan

Let’s first review the process of how an inner brat changes its tactics or “morphs” from one persona to another. This shifting results from experience and learning. Your inner brat has probably adopted two or three favorite tactics based on which ones have worked the best for you in the past. For example, if your Nag inner brat usually gets what it wants, then that becomes one of your preferred strategies. But the Nag may not always be successful, especially if you tend to feel guilty about indulging your impulses. In that case, your inner brat might morph into the Rationalizer, presenting supposedly logical reasons for following your urges.

We often see such “brat morphing” in children’s behavior. Consider this scene between eight-year-old Ryan and his mother: One morning just before school, Ryan cheerfully asked his mother if he could take his pet rabbit to school. Not being sure about the school policy on bringing pets, Ryan’s mother said, “Not today, buddy. I don’t know whether it’s allowed.” Ryan tried to convince his mother that it was OK, but she didn’t give in. “I’ll find out later,” she assured him. “But now you’d better hurry, or you’ll miss the bus.” Ryan didn’t like her answer.

“Why can’t I? It’s my rabbit,” he argued. “You told me it was my pet and that I have to take care of it. Well, I have been taking care of it. I feed it, I usually clean the cage, and I play with it all the time. So if I want to take it to school, I should be able to.



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