Stopping by David Kundtz

Author:David Kundtz
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
ISBN: 1573241091
Publisher: Red Wheel Weiser
Published: 1998-01-01T05:00:00+00:00

Unlike achieving things worth having,to achieve things worth being usuallyrequires long periods of solitude.

MEYER FRIEDMAN AND RAY ROSENMAN

28

The Gift of Solitude

Being comfortable with aloneness is the gift of solitude. It also includes the gift of introspection, which is the ability to look into yourself. Silence is often an attendant benefit. Pre-millennial life affords most of us very little solitude and, yet, time alone is essential to a balanced life.

“Solitude is a basic human need. We need to get away from the noise and from being with other people,” says Anthony Storr, a British psychologist who has written extensively on solitude.

A lot happens when you are alone. Recall the poet Rilke's words: “I am the rest between two notes” that are “reconciled,” but only in that “dark interval.” What happens in a dark interval is subtle and slow, with gentle nuances. When you try to imagine a dark interval between two notes in a piece of music, it seems to be a place where you must trust. You have to let go of the note that is now finished, is no longer needed, and, indeed, is now dead. But the new note is not yet there. This is also a place of solitude in which you wonder: Will the new note really come? Will it be what I expect and need right now?

The dark interval is a place of transformation. At this moment of pause, your song has come just so far; when this momentary pause is finished the song will be new, transformed, and perhaps even sent to a new octave or key. But one thing is sure: it will not be the same. After this pause it will be a new and different song.

So solitude transforms. When you come from a time of aloneness, you are a different you. The transformative nature of solitude underscores the overall significance of Stopping. The success of your life depends to a great extent upon the quality of the pauses between the events of your life. The cumulative effect of the pauses determines not only the greatness of the music, but, more important, whether this is the song you want to be singing.

It is not accidental that the great spiritual leaders of history spent a great deal of time withdrawn, apart, or alone; that is, Stopped.

One of the goals of solitude is to be comfortable with your own company, to get to know and like yourself better, and to appreciate the wonderful work of art you are. Are you not used to thinking of yourself that way? If not, please try it. Solitude will help. Often the difference between solitude and loneliness is friendship with yourself.

I don't in any way mean to say that those who are not attracted to solitude have low self-esteem. Natural introversion or extroversion are influential too. People who tend to be introverted are naturally more interested in the internal activity of the soul, while extroverts are more attracted to the soul's expressions in the outside world. One is not better than the other; they are just different.

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