Stepping into Freedom by Thich Nhat Hanh

Author:Thich Nhat Hanh [Nhat Hanh, Thich]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781952692017
Publisher: Parallax Press

35. Visiting a Donor or Your Family

When visiting a donor’s home, sit only where you are invited to sit. If you need to talk about the Dharma, make sure that what you say is correct and suitable for those listening. Do not speak too long. Avoid showing off your knowledge and seeking people’s admiration. Any teachings you give should be practical, helping those who hear them to overcome their current difficulties by means of the practice. Only talk about the Dharma when the hearers are seated respectfully and are properly dressed. Do not laugh loudly or giggle together.

When eating, you should practice fine manners in the same way as when you are eating with the Sangha. You should not visit a donor’s house after dark to attend a dinner party, nor should you try to find an excuse to stay overnight. Do not sit alone with someone of the opposite sex where others cannot see you without a third person. Always look in front of you, and do not glance from side to side. When speaking with someone of the opposite sex, do not speak in a low voice or whisper. Do not sit at a table where there is wine or meat. Do not praise what you see in the house, making people feel they should offer these things to you. Do not insinuate or say that you lack resources in order to receive material offerings. Avoid talking about your difficulties as a monk or a nun, or the difficulties of other monks or nuns, as it will discourage and diminish the faith and confidence in the practice of your donors. Do not loiter in a layperson’s house or in the town to chat and eat snacks.

When visiting your family, you should invite one or two monastic sisters (if a nun) or brothers (if a monk) to go with you. When you enter the house, first of all, greet and ask after your parents’ and siblings’ health. Then pay respect to the Buddha and the ancestral altar if they are present in your family’s home. After that, you can go and visit other relatives. Do not talk about the difficulties you are experiencing as a monk or a nun, as this will cause your family to worry. You should be a source of freshness, freedom, solidity, peace, and joy, so your family can benefit and have greater faith in the practice. A monk or a nun has an obligation to help liberate their blood family from suffering. During your visit, remember to maintain the decorum of a monk or a nun by being mindful in all you say and do.

When talking about matters pertaining to the spiritual life, you should sit upright and give all your attention to what you are saying. If there are difficulties in your family, remember that what matters the most is your mindful and loving presence. If your peace and joy inspire your family, they will ask you for your advice and help. See

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