SHE'S UNLIKEABLE by Aparna Shewakramani

Author:Aparna Shewakramani [Shewakramani, Aparna]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins India
Published: 2022-03-24T00:00:00+00:00

7

A DAILY AFFIRMATION: BUT I LIKE ME

THERE ARE SOME ASPECTS of Indian Matchmaking that I am more than relieved to not be a part of. And there is one contributor none of us have met who is at the center of it all: Richa. Anonymous, never to be heard from again, never known to begin with: Richa. In the last five minutes of the last episode, the viewers meet a thirty-year-old in San Diego, California, who blew up the internet with her comments on what she wants in a future husband. Or more accurately, she blew up the internet with the one comment she made about wanting a husband who was “not too dark, you know? Like fair-skinned.” Crickets chirped before the tweeting screams began. And then, it never slowed down. I contextualized this woman to media outlets when it was brought up—this woman I had never met, whose last name I still don’t know, and whom I may never meet. The truth is, if you’re a part of the South Asian diaspora, you are too aware of the flippancy associated with these statements, mostly because they were always directed at you.

First, let’s start with why I “defend” her. Defend is a loose term for explaining what I believe to be the heart (and historical significance) of those comments. In my understanding of South Asian immigrant beginnings in the United States, many of the people who came to this country were highly educated and were either students or professionals from India who came looking for opportunities. They were often from middle-class to lower-class backgrounds (not always, but from what I’ve read, that was the norm) and they retained their beliefs in a new country far from home. Remember, this was an era when phone calls “home” were not possible, when snail mail in the form of aero-grams was infrequent, and when American news outlets didn’t cover anything happening in India. These new immigrants were isolated and largely clung to their culture, as if it were frozen in time on the day they left. Indians in India may have progressed and moved on from the beliefs of the 1970s and 1980s, but these newfound Americans did not. The prevalent idea of colorism, that the lighter your skin, the more beautiful you are considered, lingered. I am by no means suggesting it does not exist in India today, mind you. I merely understand the theory that South Asian immigrants gripped tightly to their values-based ideas when they moved to the United States, and that included their beliefs surrounding beauty. So when Richa spoke to Sima candidly, she included this preference that she most likely heard in her own home from her own parents her whole life. Yes, she was born in the United States. Yes, she likely went to diverse schools. Yes, she should be more sensitive and aware about the implications of her statements. But the fact remains that when discussing marriage and partnerships, many of us grew up hearing such comments about color.

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