Sex Made Simple by Barry W. McCarthy

Author:Barry W. McCarthy
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Sex Made Simple: Clinical Strategies For Sexual Issues In Therapy
ISBN: 9781559570275
Publisher: PESI Publishing & Media
Published: 2015-08-09T16:00:00+00:00

THE ROLE OF INTEGRATED EROTICISM

Whether dealing with a sexual dysfunction or enhancing the desire/pleasure/eroticism/satisfaction experience, eroticism is an integral dimension of couple sexual satisfaction. Contrary to the fears of intimacy-based couple therapists on one hand, and the performance promises of internet eroticism proponents on the other extreme, eroticism can be integrated into the couple sexual style of intimacy, pleasure, and satisfaction.

For most couples, integrated eroticism is the best fit. Although some couples and some sexual encounters benefit from role enactment arousal featuring sex toys, X-rated videos, playing out an erotic fantasy, kinky, or lustful sex, this is an additional, not the core, component of erotic sexuality. Both the woman and man valuing eroticism and having an erotic voice enhance couple sexuality. Accepting that some sexual encounters are more about eroticism than intimacy allows the partners to value variable, flexible sexuality which can involve a range of roles, meanings, and outcomes. Sometimes a warm, loving encounter is the right fit and other times an unpredictable erotic scenario which allows one or both partners to let go and experience high levels of abandon and orgasm is the desired outcome. The clinician needs to challenge the traditional gender split which robs the woman of her erotic voice and preferences.

EXERCISE

CREATING EROTIC SCENARIOS

One of the most fascinating aspects of sexuality is the differences in what people find erotic. When exploring turn-ons, you do not have to prove anything to yourself, your spouse, or anyone else. Request and share scenarios and techniques that heighten your desire and eroticism.

The man takes the first initiation. From a smorgasbord of erotic turn-ons, choose what you would like to try or design something of your own. Erotic couple scenarios could include slow, mutual kissing and touching followed by rapid, intense intercourse; making love while watching a R-or-X-rated video: being sexual in the shower or right after so both of you are fresh for oral sex; reading a sexual fantasy aloud or playing out the fantasy; using a favorite lotion to heighten erotic sensations as you stimulate each other to orgasm; quick, intense intercourse followed by erotic afterplay where you give her as many orgasms as she wants; having intercourse standing up or with her sitting on the bed and you kneeling; mixed manual and oral sex until both of you are highly aroused, then having intercourse in the woman-on-top position while you engage in manual clitoral stimulation and she strokes her breasts. Create scenarios that are personally inviting and an erotic turn-on. Your partner is open to your requests and desires. Share turn-ons that heighten subjective and objective arousal.

The woman designs her creative erotic scenario(s). This is a sharing, not a competition. You can explore external turn-ons and use milieu and special techniques to heighten eroticism. Your partner can veto anything he finds negative, but is encouraged to be open and experimental. Examples include being sexual in front of a mirror and enjoying visual feedback; watching an erotic video; being sexual in the guest room, living room, or family room;

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