Santa Claus Conquers the Homophobes by Robert Devereaux

Author:Robert Devereaux [Devereaux, Robert]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi
Tags: Horror, General, Literary, Fantasy, Fiction, Homophobia, Santa Claus
ISBN: 9781601455383
Publisher: Booklocker.com, Inc.
Published: 2008-08-14T07:00:00+00:00

PART TWO

Michael Does Good

Chapter 23. This Plum is Too Ripe

THE FOLLOWING DAY, AS HIS WORKSHOP buzzed with activity, Santa summoned master weaver Ludwig to the office. Ludwig was wise in the ways of elfdom, his conversation as richly textured, colorful, and appealing as the bolts of fabric that sprang to life when his fingers touched them.

“I was a bit harsh, flying in like that, wasn’t I, speaking to all of you that way?”

“Well, Santa,” said Ludwig with a squint and a thoughtful tug at his beard, “I can appreciate why. Shoddy is unacceptable. And we were off our feed. Still are, to a degree. Harsh? I’d say so. But you were on a divine mission, were you not? You can’t have the troops not pulling their weight when you’re on a divine mission. It reflects ill on the entire operation. Kinder in berating us you might have been. It isn’t like you, this impatience. Only a saint could suffer shoddy with equanimity; yet you are, or were, and continue to be a saint.”

“True.”

“One might be excused for wondering, if I may be so bold, what possible perturbations churn in your own soul.”

Santa bristled. “Master weaver, my good fellow, we are talking about my helpers—”

“I understand.”

“—not about me. I want to know if there’s anything more I can do to restore harmony.”

Ludwig pursed his lips and pondered. “Well, now,” he said with a sigh, putting a hand to the back of his neck. “I tell you, Santa, that’s a hard ‘un to answer. Thanks to certain unnamed elves who’ve got their eye on the ball, things are turning around. So they assure us, at any rate. Is there anxiety? A tad. About what, it were best not to say.”

“Why not? Why conceal it from me?”

“There’s a certain...embarrassment that would ensue. We are an ingrown group. Peculiarities develop, for reasons that defy knowing. But we have a handle on them. All will be well, and shortly, unless I much mistake.”

A smile came to Santa’s face. “Ah, Ludwig, you’re as elusive as a fistful of air.”

Ludwig maneuvered himself into a smile. “Elusive, am I? Well I don’t mean to be. But things work out the way they’re supposed to. We all have our tasks, our frets and joys and moments of idleness. But if our weaves get tangled, if the centipede tries to stop each leg from realizing its own nature in its own good time, there comes a stumbling, an unraveling, chaos heaped upon chaos. Best leave it alone. There’s a sorting out it were better not to force. Or so a craftsman’s instincts tell him.”

Thoughtful silence wrapped them about.

“I see,” said Santa. “All right, Ludwig. You may return to your weaving.” He leaned forward. “But if your craftsman’s instincts ever tell you something different, that door is always open.”

Ludwig nodded. “Thank you, sir. It’s a comfort.”

Santa watched the master weaver bow and take his leave, not at all pleased with what had been said, what left unsaid. His and Wendy’s recent

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