Psychological Defenses in Everyday Life by Robert W. Firestone & Joyce Catlett

Author:Robert W. Firestone & Joyce Catlett
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Human Sciences Press, Inc.
Published: 1989-06-14T16:00:00+00:00

Ill. Destructive Maneuvers

Man vs. Woman and the Myth of Jealousy

IN OUR SOCIETY, hostility, distrust, and jealousy between men and women have currently reached such vast proportions that they have enormous social significance. There is not only a high rate of divorce, but many young adults are cynical about the possibility of lasting relationships and the subject of marriage. Most men and women are so destructive to each other in their personal and sexual relationships that it is inevitable that children born into the climate of their mutual hate will be seriously affected by it.

There are many reasons for the tension and pain in male-female relationships. Five important sources are: sexism, male vanity, female manipulation and control, withholding, and jealousy.

Sexist Attitudes

Listen here, you bitch, don’t you ever come to me again asking if we have enough money for you to buy a stupid party dress. You know just as well as I do how much money we have. You’re the one who is supposed to balance the books.

Jason, I just don’t understand you. How can I keep the money straight when you never tell me what you spend? You don’t give me one penny to spend on myself, yet you spend hundreds of dollars on that sports car of yours.

In the next room, two small children lay in bed listening to the frightening sounds coming from their parents’ bedroom. They could hear their mother’s sobbing and their father’s loud voice. It was hard to recognize that voice as their father’s because he usually spoke so softly during the day. But these night-time fights were becoming a regular part of these children’s lives.

Jason and his wife, Sheila, were obviously no longer friends. They did not relate to each other honestly or as equals, yet the two adversaries in this argument were both responsible, competent adults. Jason had graduated from medical school several years before this particular argument, and Sheila was an RN in pediatrics and a certified teacher of a natural-childbirth method. She had also helped Jason financially when he was starting his practice in internal medicine. However, these two “normal,” capable adults had been indoctrinated during childhood with biases that were now destroying their marriage and their happiness. They had been taught, by the words and actions of their parents, lessons we have all learned well.

As young children, most of us learned attitudes about the opposite sex that are similar to attitudes of racial bigotry. We learned the prevailing misconceptions about men and women that are widespread in our society. In spite of many advances in recent years in the direction of equality between the sexes, deeply-held prejudices still exist, passed down from previous generations. It is impossible to change these ingrained attitudes within the short span of one generation. These biases can interfere with our chances of attaining happiness in our relationships today.

For example, Sheila had learned, especially from her mother, that men are mean and brutal. Threats of “Just wait till your father gets home; he’ll take care of you” had always frightened Sheila.

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