Psychoanalytic Perspectives on Conflict by Christian Christopher; Eagle Morris N.; Wolitzky David L

Author:Christian, Christopher; Eagle, Morris N.; Wolitzky, David L
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Taylor and Francis

Case illustration: Daniel4

Daniel is the youngest of four children. He grew up in a family that was mainly preoccupied with the running and the survival of the family business. At the age of 6, Daniel already had the responsibility of the packaging and expedition of the firm’s products. Daniel described himself as an “employee” of a father who tyrannically drove him to ever-increasing levels of work and achievement by denigrating his contributions, calling him a “wimp” or “loser” whenever he did not meet harsh demands. He experienced his mother as helpful in practical matters but became enmeshed with her in a sexually-connotated narcissistic need to sustain her in the face of his father’s neglect. Thus one of Daniel’s organizing principles was that he became “Mr. Never-Enough.” In the face of a severe lack of affective attunement, Daniel developed a defensive self-ideal in which his own agenda not only became a threat to his relationships, but also served as a defense against affectivity in general, as he had come to expect that his affect states would be met with disdain, disgust, exploitation, and disinterest. He avoided experiencing and showing his emotions, as that would only reveal a deep sense of an inner defect. Daniel developed into a lone fighter, a “Shadow Man” whose mode of relating to the world was organized by becoming an expert in solving other people’s problems, while his own needs and desires became increasingly foreign to him. Without any support from his family, Daniel obtained two university degrees and now works as an IT trouble-shooter, traveling the country solving seemingly unsolvable computer problems. Although Daniel was very successful in his work, his relationships were brief. Once the initial sexual attraction waned, there was not enough basis to sustain a relationship which was characterized by Daniel’s preoccupation with his partner’s needs and, therefore, ultimately led to a feeling of emptiness and exploitation. Thus when Daniel came into treatment he was suffering from burnout and a deep sense of isolation.

In our sessions, Daniel inundated me with rapid-fire, detailed accounts of his life. Initially, I mostly just listened. When I did make a comment, these interventions embarrassed Daniel. He felt that he should already have come to any perception of himself that I offered. He organized my intended empathic responses as instances of being shamed and exposed. In the father-transference he experienced himself as too slow on the uptake and me as someone who enjoyed proving that to him with my therapeutic expertise. Thus a subtle battle of the experts ensued and, actually, the town didn’t seem big enough for both of us. An intractable attractor state developed in which I felt thwarted in my expectation to be able to help Daniel, and Daniel was driven by a fear to fail in what he grasped as his task to achieve therapeutic success. I wanted Daniel to accept my empathy, to understand that I understood him. He, on the other hand, wanted me to understand that he basically didn’t need me to understand him.

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