Precisely How to Live: A Wall Street Banker's Playbook for Success, Values, and Joy by Soo Jin Park

Author:Soo Jin Park [Park, Soo Jin]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2020-02-11T05:00:00+00:00

Lesson 8

Do select your friends

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on, forming friendships is important and an integral part of our lives. We are all social animals that desire a sense of belonging and can’t live on our own. But remember to befriend those that truly want what’s best for you. As you grow up, you’ll be surrounded by people that don’t always want that—they may be extremely selfish, may solely be attracted to you by the car you’re driving, may just want your time and presence because they’re bored, and so forth. I acknowledge the fact that humans are selfish by nature, but remember that our time on this planet is limited, and we all die. Do you want to spend time with someone who merely operates in their self-interest and doesn’t even know (or care to know) what’s best for you?

Friends come and go as you live through life, and your encounters with them tend to naturally decline as you form a family and commit to raising children. The ones that stick around and that you keep in touch with should be the ones you truly care about and vice versa. Jim Rohn, a successful entrepreneur, once said that you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with. If you’re spending your time with people that you don’t like, don’t share similar values as you, and whose actions and thoughts irritate you, what does that reveal about yourself? Friends are there to share your happiness, to lean on when sad, to ease the pain, to laugh together, to discuss and debate the things you have in mind, to provide a different perspective, and to guide you along the way. I personally appreciate a friend that tells me I have salad in my teeth than those that refrain from doing so, but that’s just my personal preference. When a true friend asks for help, be there for them. You will regret it if you decide to neglect them, and by the time you’ve found time to help that person, they may not need it. And trust me, there aren’t going to be that many times when friends seek your assistance.

What I’m not intending to say is that you interact solely with your circle of friends. You could have collectively formed norms that are only applicable to your group of friends with similar backgrounds and beliefs, thus obscuring the perspectives of others dissimilar from you. Acknowledge that your standards (and those of your closest friends) aren’t necessarily what others have in common nor what’s right or appropriate for everyone. Spending time with those of different backgrounds and cultures mitigates the risk of you falling into the bias trap and broadens your views. And you don’t have to commit endless hours nor be friends with them. It’s interesting to me to see how often the words “different” and “wrong” are misused in Korean. “Different” is “da-reun” in Korean, but even native speakers frequently use “teul-lin” (which means to be “wrong”) when referring to “different.

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