Porch Talk by Philip Gulley

Author:Philip Gulley
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2018-09-19T16:00:00+00:00

Professional Thinkers

I ’ve always enjoyed meeting new people, except for the awkward first moments, when we sniff each other over, asking questions of one another, trying to place the other in a convenient pigeonhole. I was at a dinner party not long ago, and a man asked me what I did. I knew he wasn’t inquiring about my hobbies or daily functions, but about my vocations, which are numerous, but always lead to a dead end. If I say I’m a pastor, people find someone else to talk with. If I tell them I’m a writer, they haven’t read my books. If I tell them I’m a speaker, they want me to speak to their garden club or bowling league.

So I thought for a moment, then said, “I’m a professional thinker.” The answer intrigued him, and we went on to have a fascinating conversation, then made plans for lunch the following week.

Though professional thinkers ponder a variety of subjects, I confine most of my thinking to God. Occasionally, I will turn my thoughts to world affairs or politics or the peculiarities of people. I’ve never invented anything new to think about. Often, after I’ve given a speech, someone in the audience will approach me and say, “I’ve thought that way for years.” Clearly, my thinking isn’t original if other people have been thinking that way too. The only difference is that I get paid.

You would think that since I’m a professional thinker, my thoughts would be superior to everyone else’s. Professional athletes, for example, get paid for doing something better than the rest of us. But professional thinkers don’t necessarily think better than amateur thinkers. Our knack is in convincing others we do.

I do most of my thinking in the morning and late afternoon. If I try to think after lunch, I fall asleep. I’ve been known to think in the middle of the night. Then I have to get out of bed and walk down the hallway to my office to write down what I thought, so I don’t forget it. Though I’m good at thinking, I’m not an accomplished rememberer.

Unlike my dinner-party friend, many people are wary of professional thinkers, dismissing us as eggheads or ivory-tower liberals. It isn’t unusual to see well-educated politicians, believing voters will resent their intellect, behave like simpletons to get elected. I’m a populist to the core, but I don’t want Jethro Bodine running our country.

To the casual observer, thinking looks suspiciously like sitting around doing nothing. I do some of my best thinking in my recliner. But someone walking past my home might glance through my living-room window, see me sitting there with my eyes closed, and think to themselves, There’s that Gulley, sitting on his rear end again. Boy, I wish I had a job like that. They don’t realize I’m breaking a sweat thinking.

Professional thinkers even come under attack by their own family members. When we were leaving the dinner party, I backed into another car after my wife had warned me it was there.

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