Platonic by Marisa G. Franco PhD

Author:Marisa G. Franco, PhD [Franco, Marisa G.]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Penguin Publishing Group
Published: 2022-09-06T00:00:00+00:00

In what ways does this friendship harm me?

Is there something I can do to make this friendship less harmful (e.g., have a difficult conversation, see this friend less often)? Do I want to do that?

Do I view the benefits of the friendship as outweighing the harm?

Finding True Authenticity

A few months after Sarah and Hannah’s dysfunctional road trip, Sarah approached Hannah while she was cleaning out her Tupperware in the office sink. Hannah saw Sarah enter the kitchen and turned away, suddenly absorbed by the distraction of the suds. “Hannah?” Sarah said. Hannah felt her body heat up and then chill. “Yes?” she said, now the curt one in the friendship.

“I’ve been doing some thinking, and I now know there’s a way to share my needs without attacking. I’m sorry, and I hope we can move forward.” Hannah kept scrubbing, not sure what to say, before finally mumbling an “Okay. Thanks,” and exiting the kitchen.

Sarah and Hannah’s interactions are now confined to the offhand social media comment. Sarah looks back and sees how the ordeal was her misguided attempt at intimacy, a desire to build a relationship based on raw honesty.

Like Sarah, I used to think authenticity was about rawness, boldly sharing whatever is on your mind. But now I see that it’s about listening, listening to yourself, not being afraid to experience what’s going on inside you, to acknowledge what you truly think and feel and fear and love, without covering it up with defenses. It’s not just about having the bravery to admit your opinions to others, but in having the bravery to admit them within. It’s only in this listening that we can sense which friends feel most safe for our authenticity and share our truest internal world. Because when we do this internal work, we don’t ask others to do it for us. We don’t dominate, control, bash, deflect, ignore, ghost, discriminate, or otherwise mistreat because we need them to relieve us from whatever discomfort is warbling inside. And with what’s left, we can love others more deeply, cherish them in their truest form, and find friendship.

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