Outsmarting the Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout Ph.D

Author:Martha Stout, Ph.D. [Stout, Martha]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Potter/Ten Speed/Harmony/Rodale
Published: 2020-04-21T00:00:00+00:00

WHAT YOU CAN DO ON YOUR OWN, WITHOUT DEPENDING ON THE COURT

The startlingly consistent findings from research, the unambiguous policy recommendations from both the American Psychological Association and the American Bar Association, and even a congressional resolution have not yet produced a fully rational system for making child custody decisions in family court. Illustrations of this fact are sometimes astonishing. In 2009, in Dedham, Massachusetts, a twenty-year-old man named Jaime Melendez raped a fourteen-year-old girl who was alone in her home after school. As a result of the rape, the girl conceived a child. Melendez pleaded guilty to statutory rape, and a judge sentenced him to sixteen years of probation. The criminal court then referred the case to the family court, where Melendez was ordered to pay $110 a week in child support until the baby girl reached adulthood. He previously had shown no interest in the child; but, after the case went to family court, he sued for visitation, claiming that his “rights as a father” were being violated. He made it clear to the rape victim that he would drop his suit for visitation privileges if he were no longer required to pay child support. Otherwise, an unthinkable threat was implied: the young mother could anticipate having her rapist in her life—and in her daughter’s life—for years. His demand for paternity rights currently drags on in the family court.

The mother’s attorney, Wendy Murphy, has remarked, “You would never say to a person who suffered [any other kind of] crime, ‘Sorry, we’re going to let this guy further destroy your life.’ ” But, in fifteen states, there are no laws that explicitly deny parental rights to rapists, and without such laws a man who fathers a child through rape has the same legal rights as any other father. A rapist can petition in family court for visitation privileges or custody. Mothers have been forced to relinquish their children to visits with their rapists and to consult with their rapists over issues such as choice of school, summer camp, and religious affiliation.

Attorney Rebecca Kiessling, herself a child of rape and now an advocate for victims and their children, makes the chilling point that pursuing visitation or joint custody allows the rapist to punish the victim for testifying against him and to intimidate her so that she will take no further action. Kiessling says bluntly, “Like with rape, this is just about power and control.”

The number of women and children who potentially can be controlled in this way is not small. An estimated 32,000 rape-related pregnancies occur in the United States each year, and nearly a third of pregnant victims decide to give birth to and raise their children. These numbers mean that, in the United States, approximately 10,000 women each year are vulnerable to being overpowered—again—by their rapists. In 2015, activists armed with these statistics persuaded the U.S. Congress, after years of political back-and-forth, to pass the Rape Survivor Child Custody Act. This legislation, passed by the Senate as an

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