Opening Up: A Guide to Creating and Sustaining Open Relationships by Tristan Taormino

Author:Tristan Taormino [Taormino, Tristan]
Language: eng
Format: epub, mobi, azw3
Published: 2008-08-19T12:34:00+00:00

I don't tend to be jealous as long as I feel as though I am getting "enough" attention, energy, time. If I feel jealous for more than a little flash, that's a sign that I feel like I'm getting less than I want or expect, which means it's time to have a chat. -Duke

Many people, even poly people, seem terrified of jealousy... I think of jealousy as the warning light on your dashboard. It tells you something is wrong, but doesn't tell you what to do about it. When you feel jealousy, it means it's time to pull over and assess what is going on, and only then do something about it. -Owen

Jealousy is really an umbrella term for a constellation of feelings including envy, competitiveness, insecurity, inadequacy possessiveness, fear of abandonment, feeling unloved, and feeling left out. To say simply "I am jealous" is far too vague, since it means different things to different people and it manifests itself in so many diverse ways. Like Owen's "warning light," it's more useful to think of jealousy as a sign that something's not right. Try to figure out exactly what you're feeling, the root(s) of the feeling, and what you need to feel better. Digging around can open a Pandora's box, but until you realize why you're jealous you will not be able to resolve the issues causing the feeling. Once you identify the source of the jealousy you will be better able to cope with it, feel less controlled and motivated by it, and you may be able to let go of it altogether. Below I discuss four specific emotions as the components of jealousy: envy, insecurity, possessiveness, and feeling excluded.

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