No One Asked for This by Cazzie David

Author:Cazzie David
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780358181781
Publisher: HMH Books
Published: 2020-11-17T00:00:00+00:00

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Privileged Assistant

Cazzie’s oppositionalism and “I don’t care” attitude can be seen as an attempt to save face. They permit her to attribute failure to not trying instead of leaving her with the experience of having given it her best and having to see that her best isn’t good enough. The fact that she is a child of high achievers makes her situation that much more poignant.

—Excerpt from neuropsychological evaluation of Cazzie David, 2007

If there’s one thing everyone already knows about me it’s that I’m a privileged white girl. And for that, I offer my most sincere and humble apologies. What’s worse than a privileged white girl in this day and age? Nothing. Maybe Republicans, definitely pedophiles, racists, terrorists, and, in my opinion, people who plagiarize ideas and creative content. Nevertheless, us privileged white girls are not a popular bunch.

People say being privileged is a blessing and a curse. No, no one’s said that. It’s obviously only a blessing. But if there were a downside, it would be that people inherently, but justifiably, hate you for it. Even privileged people hate other privileged people for being privileged. No one will ever take a liking to that aspect of your character. No one has ever said, “She’s super-cool, she comes from money.” Although they have said, “She’s surprisingly super-cool, considering she comes from money.”

In any case, it’s technically not my fault. I didn’t ask for it. Not to say that if I had the choice, I wouldn’t still choose . . . privilege. So, yes, if I had the choice, I would have made that choice, but I didn’t choose it.

Reader rolls eyes. We get it, Cazzie, you’re aware of your privilege.

Good. Then I shall continue.

I experienced all the stereotypical symptoms of growing up with privilege one would expect: not knowing what a Ross clothing store was until last year, being diagnosed with the classic privileged-person neurosis, hypochondria. My guilt makes me certain it’s only a matter of time before I developed a fatal disease. I still spend almost every day in crippling fear that tomorrow it will come, as it would only be fair penance to offset the privilege I was given.

The circle of privileged guilt unfolds thus: Remember the world is absurdly sad and unfair to almost everyone but you → get sad/hate the world → feel guilty for feeling sad and hating the world when everything in your world is just fine → try to continue to live your life → remember the world is absurdly sad and unfair, and so on. I was born into a life that didn’t let me develop a social or psychological immune system, so just about everything gets me sick. In high school, to slightly relieve my guilt, I’d drive around my neighborhood every afternoon offering rides to women I saw walking to the bus stop after their work. Some would be frightened when I’d pull up, roll down my window, and ask if they wanted a ride like I was a young, female pervert.

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