My Life as Alien Monster Bait by Bill Myers

Author:Bill Myers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2010-03-26T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

A Day Off . . .

or an Off Day?

I spent the rest of “Superstardom: Day One” in the wardrobe trailer. It was hot and sticky and cramped. (Not exactly the type of glamor I was expecting.) With Gertrude on the fritz (not to mention Chad), we wouldn’t start filming until Monday. But the man and woman (I still didn’t know which was which) kept me around to try out a bunch of clothes and makeup. The clothes got weirder every second. By the end of the day they’d settled on a leather shirt and chiffon pants. I’d say that about covers it for weird, wouldn’t you?

When I wasn’t trying on clothes, I was trying out different rub-on tattoos for my arms, or begging them not to turn my ears into Swiss cheese with their ear-piercer thingie. They agreed to hold off on the ears till Monday.

They didn’t agree to hold off on cutting and dying my hair . . .

The guy (or gal) began snipping as the other guy (or gal) tried red, then green, then purple, blue, orange. . . . We must have tried every color in the rainbow. And by the end of the day, that’s exactly what I looked like—a spiked, punked, mohawked rainbow. “Don’t worry,” they said. “A little soap and water, it’ll wash right out—same with those rub-on tattoos.”

That’s what they said as I climbed into the limo Saturday night.

But as I sat in church Sunday morning, I knew it wasn’t so.

I’ve got to hand it to Pastor Bergman. He did a pretty good job of not staring. Well, okay, he stared, but at least his mouth didn’t hang open. Well, at least it didn’t hang open all the time. Only when his eyes scanned over to my section of the church—which for some reason seemed to be about every four or five seconds.

Then there was the rest of the congregation. I know they did their best to pay attention to the pastor. But no matter how hard they tried, their eyes kept darting over to my “illustrated arms” and my “Technicolor, glow-in-the-dark ’do.’”

Even with all that, the sermon was good. Too good. Pastor Bergman read something out of the New Testament about how we shouldn’t treat some people as more important than others. . . .

“My dear brothers, you are believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ. So never think that some people are more important than others. Suppose someone comes into your church meeting wearing very nice clothes and a gold ring. At the same time a poor man comes in wearing old, dirty clothes. You show special attention to the one wearing nice clothes. You say, ‘Please sit here in this good seat.’ But you say to the poor man, ‘Stand over there,’ or ‘Sit on the floor by my feet!’ What are you doing? You are making some people more important than others. With evil thoughts you are deciding which person is better.”

I was glad he wasn’t talking about me.

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