My Life as a Walrus Whoopee Cushion by Bill Myers

Author:Bill Myers
Language: eng
Format: epub, azw3, mobi
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2013-02-06T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 7

Breaking In

I know, breaking into the zookeeper’s office wasn’t like the best thing in the world to be doing; but for the past few hours I hadn’t exactly been going out of my way to be doing any best things. In fact, as the night dragged on, I seemed to be doing more and more of the worst things.

To help ease my conscience, I told myself that if Mr. Zookeeper really wanted to keep people out of his office, he would have locked his windows. (I didn’t bother to ask myself why he locked his doors.)

But since the windows weren’t locked, I managed to climb inside and

K-Thud

fall onto the floor.

“Wally?”

“Coming,” I called as I scampered back to my feet and raced to the door to unlock it.

Wall Street came bursting in, followed by Opera. “Where’s this computer thingamabob?” she asked. “The one that opens the different cages?”

“Right over there.” I pointed to the computer sitting on a small desk under a large bookcase. “And up there on that shelf is the notebook with all the different combinations.”

“Great.” She pulled up a chair, snapped on the computer, and went to work. “I’ll have this puppy up and running in no time.”

And she would, too. After all, computers were how she played the stock market during lunch hour at school. (And you thought I was kidding about her making her first million by fourteen.)

Meanwhile, Opera and I decided we’d kill some time by pursuing our favorite hobbies.

“Think I’ll go check out the snack machines in the hall,” he said.

I nodded and said, “Think I’ll write some more on my superhero story.”

As Opera headed into the hall, I found a tablet and a pencil. Since Wall Street was over on the computer, I figured I’d continue my story the old-fashioned way:

When we last left our handsome hero of horribly horrendous halitosis (that’s a fancy word for bad breath...see how educational these stories can be?) he was about to become a billionaire...in more ways than one. Hiding behind his satellite, the dreaded and dumber-than-dirt Dollar Dude was just turning his green Megabucks beam on him.

No one’s sure what made Dollar Dude so hungry for money. Some say it came when his mother accidentally left the radio turned to the stock reports all day. (Who is this Dow Jones guy, anyway?) Others insist it came after Dollar Dude won big-time in Monopoly then had his heart broken when he found out it wasn’t real money.

Finally, there’s the ever-popular theory that winning the lotto majorly messed up his mind. (Although, of course, we know that could never happen.)

Whatever the case, Dollar Dude loves money more than his own life...or, at least more than B.B. Boy’s own life, which explains why he’s turning the Megabuck beam on him.

The first thing the beam hits is our hero’s feet.

B.B. Boy gasps a good-guy gasp. Already he can see his $250-a-pair high tops starting to turn green. “Please, Dollar Dude,” he cries, “there’s got to be a way to work this out!”

“Words are cheap,” Dude hisses.

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