My Life as a Smashed Burrito with Extra Hot Sauce by Bill Myers

Author:Bill Myers
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: ebook, book
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2013-02-06T05:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

Uh-Oh

Dale’s 9:00 A.M. talk on wisdom didn’t exactly start at 9:00 A.M. He had a little cleaning up to do. Actually, he had a lot of cleaning up to do. There’s something about the way dried chocolate syrup and chicken feathers stick in the hair that makes them a little tricky to wash out.

We all sat on the bleachers, silently waiting— like prisoners for execution. Even Jimmy Jack wasn’t saying much—an all-time first for him.

I glanced over at Gary. Our eyes met. He slowly shook his head in amazement. I wanted to explain. I wanted to tell him that it really wasn’t my fault . . . that it was all Jimmy Jack’s idea . . . that all the other kids in camp helped. But it wouldn’t have made any difference.

There was no telling when Dale would show up, but none of us complained about sitting around. We would have sat there all day if we had to. So to pass away the time, I reached down to Ol’ Betsy, popped open her lid, and snapped her on.

Maybe a little Mutant Man would help . . .

As you may recall, our incredibly handsome hero is orbiting the planet Jupiter. It’s a beautiful view up there. Not a cloud in the sky. Come to think of it, there isn’t a sky. Come to think about it, there isn’t even any air. And since Mutant Man has this thing about breathing, he figures it’s best to be moving along...fast!

But how?

Suddenly, he spots a stray meteor blazing past. What luck! Normally, superheros don’t hitchhike. I mean, these days there’s no telling what type of weirdos might be hanging around the block——or the outer fringes of the galaxy for that matter.

But Mutant Man has no choice. Dr. Ghastly is still back on earth sucking up wisdom. Who knows what humongous havoc he’s havocking while our hero’s hidden away. And let’s not forget that Brady Bunch rerun. If the mighty Mutant doesn’t hurry back, he’ll miss the entire show!

Pressing the button on his Muton-Belt, the left hand of our gorgeous good guy suddenly turns into a giant catcher’s mitt.

“Okay, Buddy Boy,” he shouts in his best Major League catcher’s voice. “Burn her right in here, attaboy, what say, what say, come on, burn it in, burn it in.”

And “burn in” is exactly what the meteor does.

K-SWOOSH-SIZZLE-SIZZLE-SIZZLE.

Immediately, Mutant’s mitt is on fire. Talk about too hot to handle. Fortunately, our handy hunk carries a fire extinguisher in his back pocket for just such occasions.

Soon the fire is out as the meteor hurtles our hero toward the earth at a zillion-point-three miles per hour.

Next he presses the radar button on his belt, which not only spots Dr. Ghastly’s helicopter, but also heats up last night’s leftovers for a little between-adventures snack.

Finally, he makes his move. “Thanks for the lift!” he shouts as he lets go of the fiery meteor and falls toward earth. Normally, such a fantastic free fall would frighten even our fearless and faithful friend (say that five times fast).

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