Murder on Sex Island by Jo Firestone

Author:Jo Firestone [Firestone, Jo]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2023-08-15T13:44:48+00:00

23

They occasionally did this thing on Sex Island called Women’s Choice Wednesday, where the female contestants chose a sex partner first thing in the morning. By that evening, the women had to decide whether they would stay with that sex partner or move on. This usually happened on a Wednesday when the men outnumbered the women. The men who weren’t selected in the morning only got to stay on the show if a woman decided to move on from the sex partner she initially chose. If everyone opted to stay with the men they’d first picked, that morning’s rejects went home, forfeiting the $100,000 prize.

I’ve seen the most confident, symmetrical faces crumble in those moments. It’s almost heartbreaking, but then you remember that you’ve been totally complicit for watching it, and the “rejects” would likely get a generous brand sponsorship after this was all over.

Isa brought me to my trailer. This time, I ordered the protein waffles.

“I didn’t know you knew about the protein waffles,” she said with a smile, jotting something down on her clipboard.

“I hear things,” I said. She nodded conspiratorially. I couldn’t tell if we were still talking about the waffles.

She left me to change into my wardrobe, which I was relieved to see was a full-length maxi dress. I couldn’t believe my eyes. What had I done to deserve so much fabric! I tried it on — the front was loose and, dare I say, flattering! But then I felt a light breeze behind me. I turned around, and there, out in the open, was my wide, flat ass.

The dress stopped at my lower back. Was this a cruel trick? Was this fashion? Who would make a dress that exposed the entire ass?! Then I saw, also on the hanger, hung a rhinestoned g-string thong. I was to wear the g-string with the dress. For rhinestoned modesty. I decided then and there that even if I found the killer, I would still do everything in my power to send the wardrobe ladies to jail.

An hour later, the entire cast was brought to the Cuddle Puddle. If you’ve never seen the show, the Cuddle Puddle is basically a pile of Home Goods throw pillows where the cast members go to lose their self-esteem. It’s usually surrounded by lit tiki torches even though the show is mostly filmed in broad daylight.

The idea is to basically lock eyes with someone on the Cuddle Puddle, then walk hand-in-hand to your cabana to consummate what started on the Cuddle Puddle. Cuddle Puddle, Women’s Choice Wednesday… I know it’s a lot. But these producers had to broadcast an hour-long reality show every night. Even the bad ideas made it to air.

We were all placed in a circle and propped up on the Home Goods cushions. It was wild to see how even the stars of these shows were basically treated like set pieces with a pulse. A production assistant sat me between Blair and Sarah, directly across from Phil. Phil smiled at me, and I managed to smile back.

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