Mr. Darcy's Diary by Amanda Grange

Author:Amanda Grange [Grange, Amanda]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Publisher: Sourcebooks Landmark; Later Printing edition (April 4, 2007)
Published: 2011-06-18T08:41:09.298578+00:00

A M A N D A G R A N G E

satisfaction; it is, that I condescended to adoptthe measures of art so far as to conceal from him

your sister’s being in town. I knew it myself, as

it was known to Miss Bingley; but her brother

is even yet ignorant of it.That they might have

met without ill consequence, is perhaps proba-

ble; but his regard did not appear to me enough

extinguished for him to see her without some

danger. Perhaps this concealment, this disguise

was beneath me; it is done, however, and it was

done for the best. On this subject I have noth-

ing more to say, no other apology to offer. If I

have wounded your sister’s feelings, it was

unknowingly done: and though the motives

which governed me may to you very naturally

appear insufficient, I have not yet learnt to con-

demn them.

I had written the easy part of the letter. The difficult

part was still to come. Had I the right to go further? The

incidents I had to relate did not only concern myself,

they concerned my sister, my dear Georgiana. If they

should ever be made public…but I found I had no

apprehension of it. Elizabeth would not speak of them to

anyone, certainly not if I asked her to keep silence, and

she had to know.

But did she have to know all? Did she have to know

of my sister’s weakness? I wrestled with myself. I returned

once more to the window. I watched the moon sailing

mr darcy_internals 1/30/07 4:06 PM Page 167

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over the cloudless sky. If she did not know of my sister’s

weakness, then she could not know of Wickham’s perfidy, I reflected, and it was to tell her of this that I had

begun the letter.

I could pretend it was to answer the charge of being

the cause of her sister’s unhappiness, but I knew in my

heart it was because I wanted to exonerate myself of all

blame in my conduct towards George Wickham.

I could not bear the thought of him being her

favourite, or the thought of my being valued at nothing

by his side.

I resumed my letter.

With respect to that other, more weighty accu-

sation, of having injured Mr Wickham, I can

only refute it by laying before you the whole of

his connection with my family. Of what he has

particularly accused me I am ignorant; but of

the truth of what I shall relate, I can summon

more than one witness of undoubted veracity.

‘Colonel Fitzwilliam will vouch for me,’ I said under

my breath.

But how to tell the tale? How to arrange the incidents

of Wickham’s life into some coherent whole? And how

to write it in such a way that my animosity did not

colour every word? For I meant to be fair, even to him.

I thought. At last I continued to write.

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