Moral Injuries by Christie Watson

Author:Christie Watson [Watson, Christie]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781399613101
Published: 2024-03-13T16:00:00+00:00

TWENTY

Olivia (2024)

Olivia liked outpatient work. It made a change from surgery and was usually gentler. She could sit down, which in itself felt like a luxury. Surgery had given her varicose veins. Clinic was getting busier every week though. The waiting area was stuffed full of people sitting on unmovable chairs, or leaning against the walls, or queuing up to check in with the reception team, holding their appointment letters aggressively in front of them. Olivia made her way through, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone. Eye contact meant questions, and questions cost time. Complaints came thick and fast, over waiting times, or clinical errors, or cancelled operations. Doctors were becoming spin doctors in this political climate, whether they liked it or not. ‘We’ve no intensive care bed for you post op, and that puts you at great risk if we go ahead with surgery. No, it won’t affect your heart function at all if we postpone the operation again …’ It was a truth of sorts, but she never told the whole truth. The whole truth was that there were beds in intensive care, but no nurses to care for the patients in those beds. She could be the best cardiac surgeon in the world, and her hospital have the best technology, but without nurses nobody gets an operation. It seemed pretty obvious to Olivia. And of course waiting for an op affected heart function.

Once in her clinic room, she closed the door and stood in the darkness a few moments, just breathing, before flicking on the strip light and opening the blinds. She tried to squash down the feeling of nausea she’d had since meeting Laura at the restaurant. Since she’d found out that Freya had pushed Joe. Freya. It seemed impossible to believe, and even thinking of it threatened to overwhelm Olivia, but she mustn’t let it. Though how? It was bad enough to imagine Freya taking drugs. That episode was enough to deal with. Even worrying that Freya had simply been at the party, wrong place, wrong time, was a headache. But this? Olivia needed clarity in order to help Freya. To protect her from this mess. Her job relied on her aptitude for problem-solving. She was good at this. She simply needed to breathe. Think. Her mind kept skipping to Freya’s face, the fear in her eyes, how Olivia had missed that fear. They had talked about the party on just two occasions, during which Olivia had told Freya it would all be all right, and that sometimes teenage parties go wrong, badly wrong, and it was a horrible accident, that was all. Freya had not mentioned pushing Joe, not once. She let Olivia believe a lie. That young man Joe had not slipped or fallen downstairs and hit his head. Freya pushed him, and he might die. Freya. Small, skinny, frail Freya. Olivia felt so dizzy she had to hold the desk just to prevent herself from fainting. She felt her eyes fill with tears and forced them back inside her.

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