Mind The Gap: The truth about desire and how to futureproof your sex life by Gurney Dr Karen

Author:Gurney, Dr Karen [Gurney, Dr Karen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Headline
Published: 2020-03-05T00:00:00+00:00

Take-home messages from this chapter

Talking about sex is difficult, but couples who talk about sex more have higher levels of sexual satisfaction than couples who don’t

Talking about sex helps us navigate the inevitable changes in our sexual preferences, overcome sexual problems and keep our sex life good over time

A difference in desire for sex between you and your partner is normal and not in itself a problem

Desire happens between people, not within one person’s body

Understanding our motivations for sex (and that of our partner) is crucial for understanding the function that sex serves in a relationship and for maintaining sexual satisfaction

Having sex for avoidance reasons, such as preventing a row or conflict, can lower desire over time

Relationship dynamics such as the concept of intimacy can help or hinder desire, depending on the couple

Some couples would find an improvement in their sex life if they spent less time together and invested in their own interests and activities

Some couples would benefit from spending more time together, to create more emotional intimacy, especially with self-expanding activities. Giving each other the scraps does not count.

Sexual currency can buffer against ‘having sex’ being the most crucial part of our sexual relationship

Increasing sexual currency in your relationship meets some of your motivations for sex, makes you feel like a sexual couple, and provides a transition to move seamlessly into more sexual time together should you wish it to, but often falls off the agenda after couples have been together for some time

To have a great sex life, many couples will need to prioritize and make time for these aspects of their relationship, but often our belief that sex should happen easily and spontaneously gets in the way of us thinking of sex as a part of our life that we should take care of

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