Mind Clearing by Whieldon Alice; Noyes Lawrence; Noyes Lawrence

Author:Whieldon, Alice; Noyes, Lawrence; Noyes, Lawrence
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780857006370
Publisher: Jessica Kingsley Publishers
Published: 2015-11-01T04:00:00+00:00

The third step: understanding what the client has communicated and letting them know

The third step in the clearing communication cycle consists of two actions performed by the Clearer: 1) understanding what the client has said and 2) letting the client know they have understood. This is straightforward but, once more, there are a surprising number of pitfalls to be avoided for it to be properly achieved.

If the client does not know they were heard and understood, even if they were, progress will slow down and finally stop. They are putting a lot of effort and goodwill into complying with the instructions and, if they start to be uncertain as to whether they are really being understood, or if the Clearer seems a bit offhand about the effort they are putting into what they are doing together, then the client will stop co-operating eventually. They may well carry on for a while because they want to have good relations, but sessions will deteriorate. It must be acknowledged precisely what the person said in complying with the particular instruction given.

The more experienced a Clearer is, the more this becomes clear because a non-understanding will feel wonky. In either case the Clearer will need to say to the client that they did not hear or did not understand. They will need to ask the client to repeat what they said or explain it more fully until the Clearer understands the compliance. The Clearer must then indicate to the client, clearly, that they have understood.

I remember a time when I was really tired and distracted giving a session. I drifted off with a thought about something I was trying to handle around some building work I was having done. This was just for a couple of seconds, but I was really gone from the room. I was looking at my client but wasn’t seeing her for those few beats. And when I snapped back, she was looking at me and had clearly said something of import. She was tearful and said, ‘I never realised that before about my mum. I feel terrible.’ And I realised I’d missed some potentially huge thing. I was mortified, and I hesitated. I hated to admit I hadn’t heard it, but I knew I had to or we’d carry on and it would be a farce. So I said something like, ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t get that, would you repeat it please.’ I think she was a bit surprised, as I’m usually pretty alert, but she said it again and I got it, and thank goodness I did. The session did wobble a bit at that point, and it took us probably a few minutes to secure that trust again, but it would have been a whole lot worse had I just let it go and pretended I’d heard her.

The Clearer should avoid saying the client’s responses back to them or paraphrasing what they have said. This can be very tempting to do and seems so harmless or even actively helpful.

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