Michal's Destiny by Roberta Kagan

Author:Roberta Kagan [Kagan, Roberta]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Published: 2016-07-28T04:00:00+00:00

Chapter 30

Michal had never felt so guilty and happy at the same time. She spent all week in eager anticipation of Otto’s arrival on Sunday. He took her to dinner. They spent hours walking. As they walked, he asked her about her life, and unlike most men she’d known, he listened. He not only listened, but he cared, he asked questions. Otto was interested in everything she had to say. Her views on politics, art, and music were just as important to him as her likes and dislikes in fashion. Nothing was off limits in their conversations. Taavi had been harder to talk to; he was more practical. If she began rambling about things that didn’t matter, he would hear her, but not listen the way Otto did. Otto was always attentive. He made her feel as if everything she had to say was important to him. However, not only did they discuss general things, but they conversed about her deepest feelings. Michal told him about her marriage to Avram, then to Taavi, and finally on one evening when the sky was lit with stars they sat together on a bench, she told him about the rape. She hung her head and wept until her slender shoulders shook. He didn’t attempt to touch her. He just sat beside her and listened, waiting until she reached for his hand. Then gently he brought her palm to his lips.

“He could have killed me. And sometimes I wish he had,” she said in a small voice.

“And then what of Alina? She would never have been born. You gave her life, Michal. Life is a wonderful gift to give someone.”

“Yes. I suppose. Mine hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure. I was wrong; I should have made things work with her father. I owed her that much. My marriage to Taavi failed because I couldn’t be a wife to him after the rape. When he tried to touch me, all I could think about was that horrible man and that he’d soiled the inside of my body.”

“But he didn’t. He was there, it’s true. But if he had really soiled you, you could never have had such a beautiful child. He hurt you. I understand that. But because you can’t let go of what he did, you keep reliving it, and it is keeping you from ever finding happiness. As long as you keep the Cossack alive in your mind, he will continue to destroy you. He is gone … nothing but a ghost from the past. Let him be gone. Do you understand me?”

She nodded. “So what can I do? How do I ever get over this?”

“We are friends, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good friends. You trust me, don’t you?”

“I do.”

“I am not saying this to seduce you, although I want you. I have wanted you from the first moment I saw you. But, it’s more than that, Michal. You need me too. I understand you. I know what you’ve been through. This may sound self-serving, and in a way, it is, but not completely.

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