Michael Carrick: Between the Lines: My Autobiography by Michael Carrick

Michael Carrick: Between the Lines: My Autobiography by Michael Carrick

Author:Michael Carrick [Carrick, Michael]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781788700511
Google: 1YdqDwAAQBAJ
Amazon: B07GRZ28YQ
Published: 2018-10-18T00:00:00+00:00


11

WEMBLEY

Depression over a game of football sounds extreme, doesn’t it? But I genuinely felt in a very dark place. It might sound a crazy exaggeration comparing football to a death but after Rome I felt like I was grieving. Six months earlier we’d been crowned the best in the world and now I tortured myself with questions about why we’d come second in Europe. Everything we did to reach Rome meant nothing to me now.

I’d had a string of massive highs: three league titles and winning a Champions League final, then I just hit rock bottom. I was weak, naïve and insecure enough to think after Rome, Top players don’t lose Champions League finals. If I’m that good then why have we lost? Looking back at the mess my mind was in, it’s crazy really, because Manchester United had still won the Premier League and League Cup in 2009 but, to me, that was totally irrelevant. Rome defeated me.

I’ve never talked about Rome with the Boss. I can’t, it’s too painful. Even now, almost a decade on, the gloom from Rome has not completely gone. I returned pre-season, and just couldn’t shake the depression off and 2009/’10 was my worst season for United. I’d lost that edge. I had a heavy head and a heavy heart, even my body felt heavier. Nothing came easy. Sir Alex left me in the stands for the first Premier League game of the season – the win over Birmingham, but I started against Burnley, had a penalty saved by Brian Jensen, and we lost 1–0. It felt like I was stuck in a rut, stop-start-stop. I tried but I just couldn’t shake myself into life. Confidence is a major part of a sportsman’s performance, when it’s there you take it for granted and if it disappears, it’s desperate. In games, I went from having a calm, clear, sharp mind to a cloudy, slow, uncertain one. I went from seeing the best option without even thinking to seeing six things at once and choosing the worst one at the wrong time. I knew it was all in my head, but I felt that I couldn’t turn to anyone for help, I’m too stubborn. I don’t find it easy to open up to people, really only Lisa and Graeme, Mam and Dad. That period after Rome was a depression I had to confront on my own. I felt trapped in a vicious circle: my football suffered because of my bleak mood, which made me feel worse, so my mood darkened further.

Could I play my way out of depression? The Boss started me in the Champions League against Beşiktaş in September, and I was grateful and excited because the Inönü was the only stadium I’d been to that rivalled Celtic Park for noise. Surely this experience would jolt me back to my pre-Rome self? When I got there, I was actually afraid that the Inönü would fall down, it shook that much with all those crazy Beşiktaş fans jumping up and down.



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