Mature Friendships, Love, and Romance: A Practical Guide to Intimacy for Older Adults by Morley D. Glicken

Author:Morley D. Glicken [Glicken, Morley D.]
Language: eng
Format: epub, pdf
Tags: General, Family & Relationships, Psychology, Developmental, Gerontology, Love & Romance, Adulthood & Aging, Aging, Love in old age, Intimacy (Psychology), Interpersonal Relations, Self-Help, Social Psychology, Older people, Friendship, Social Science
ISBN: 9780313382420
Publisher: Praeger
Published: 2010-06-02T04:00:00+00:00

Resolving Problems with Children and Family Members 99

between Joanne and me, as I suppose should be expected, changed.

As much as I know intellectually that this transition is a necessary part of life, both hers and mine, I am saddened that we have, of necessity, grown apart. Whereas previously I would have spent every other weekend at Joanne’s, about an hour away, after my remarriage I spent less time there, as I now had a richer life of my own. Also, I feared that by having spent so much time there previously, I might have been turning into an annoyance.

“When I informed Joanne that my husband and I would be moving out of state, she made a comment, seemingly jokingly, that we were moving further from her and closer to my husband’s daughter. The implication that this was deliberate hurt.

“Joanne and I are both now wrapped up in our separate lives, and as much as I am very happy, I also find myself wistfully thinking about how things used to be between us. I now find myself in a position I never expected—as a mother who occasionally whines about how

‘my daughter never calls me.’ I feel that I am the one, more often than not, reaching out, and that she is not reciprocating. I am almost always the one to pick up the phone and call, and I find myself resisting doing so because I am feeling a little angry about what I see as her neglect of me. And then I feel stupid for feeling that way.

“Joanne and I had a long talk recently about my feelings about our relationship, and she was a little defensive. Things between us seemed to be somewhat better in the ensuing weeks and months, but it didn’t last.

“I try to tell myself that now, in my early sixties, I am leading a full and satisfying life and I should be grateful for that—and I truly am.

And since Joanne is also leading a full, busy life, what more, I tell myself, could I ask for? But I ask for a lot—I want our closeness back, and I don’t know what to do about it.”—F. H.

IN-LAWS

One of the most frequent criticisms of older adults is the difficulties they experience with sons- or daughters-in-law and their parents. The reasons for these difficulties are, of course, as varied as they can be, but some common behavior that many of us find extremely annoying may be seen in the following power tactics (Family Education, 2009): 1. In-laws who are “passive-submissive.” People like this usually find the most powerful person in the family hierarchy and cling

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