Managing Anger with CBT For Dummies by Gill Bloxham

Author:Gill Bloxham
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Wiley
Published: 2012-11-29T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter 6

Changing Your Angry Behaviour

In This Chapter

Spotting your unhelpful angry behaviours

Stepping in before you blow up and lose your cool

Dealing with your passive aggression

Getting to grips with forgiveness

For healthy anger control, your behaviour is just as important as your thoughts and feelings. CBT gives you clear ways to understand how your behaviour – your actions, choices and reactions – links to what’s going on in your mind. Picking up new anger habits successfully is all about doing things differently and thinking differently. Behaviour change is about planning to act and react differently when you’re angry, testing out new ideas and then choosing those that work best for you, until they’re so automatic they have become your new habits.

In this chapter I introduce some well-tested CBT tips and tactics for changing your angry behaviours, including the signals you send other people when you’re getting annoyed. Changing your angry reactions is the part of anger management that everyone around you sees and benefits from. In return, you benefit as people also start to treat you differently.

Staying calm about situations that usually trigger your anger, facing difficult behaviour from others or thinking back over the past can be easier said than done. But you’ve learned the ways you behave when you’re angry – so you can learn new habits too.

Acting Calmly

The basic ‘ABC of CBT’ explains how triggers (what sets your anger off) cause reactions (your behaviour), and reactions get results (what happens afterwards); I explain this in much more detail in Chapter 2 as well as introducing ways of tracking your anger. If you feel you’re having difficulty spotting your typical angry behaviours or you’re just reacting on autopilot, have a look at the exercises and tips there first. In this Chapter, you’ll be focusing on getting to know more about angry reactions and trying out new ideas to swap your old habits for.

One of the basics in changing your behaviour is to catch yourself in the act of doing what you’re used to doing. It isn’t always easy to step in and stop yourself, but it is possible! Just like noticing your automatic thoughts, you can stop to look at and change angry actions by tuning in to how much you want to change your anger management habits. The moment you first notice irritation, annoyance or other signs of anger starting, let your body relax. Switch focus from what’s happening around you to what you’re doing. This way, your actions are choices and not just reflex reactions. The more you practise, the better you’ll get.

Analysing the actions of anger

Whatever’s going on in your thoughts and feelings, actions speak louder than words. If how you’re expressing your anger can’t be seen or heard, it’s not behaviour. Describing behaviour clearly makes it easier to focus on what you’re trying to change.

To work out what your usual angry behaviours are or to get a better picture of the warning signs showing you’re starting to get angry, try imagining a camera or video recording the situation.

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