Look Out for the Little Guy by Scott Lang

Author:Scott Lang [Lang, Scott & Kutner, Rob]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2023-09-05T00:00:00+00:00

AGES OF LANG

EVER WISH YOU COULD be a different age? Little kids want to be big kids, big kids want to be teens, teens want to be young adults, and after that, everybody wants to be young again. Seems like the hair is always less gray on the other side of the fence.

A few years ago, I got a very brief, but highly memorable, chance to go on a whirlwind tour of other ages. And here’s my takeaway: Nice to visit, wouldn’t want to live there.

It was right before the big Infinity Stone heist I just described, when we were still working out the whole “alternate timeline” thing. Bruce, Natasha, Cap, and I were at Avengers Compound. I had come back from the Quantum Realm with some observations of how time could work differently at subatomic level. Bruce had figured out to translate them into actual, working technology. He’d reengineered the Quantum Tunnel that Hank Pym had installed in the back of Luis’s van into a directed portal that, in theory, could send a person anywhere…er, anywhen. Tony hadn’t yet come back to get it working, so we were still in the trial and error phase. And guess whose job it was to be the error?

We gave it a first shot. I was sucked into the Quantum Tunnel and spit back out. In front of me were the other three, all staring wide-eyed. At first I didn’t know why, only that they seemed weirdly taller than before.

But I definitely knew something was different about me.

I said, “Uh, guys? This doesn’t feel right.” And then I heard how high my voice was when I said that. How it almost…cracked.

I was Teenage Scott!

Then they asked, “Is that Scott???” And I was so infuriated, I roared—well, more like squeaked—back, “Yes, it’s Scott.” And then suddenly, I was sucked back into the tunnel.

Well, clearly that incarnation of me wasn’t going to work for the Avengers’ plan. But the next me that came out was even worse.

When I popped back out of the Quantum Tunnel this time, once again I got strange looks from my comrades.

And then I felt the aches and pains. I mean, beyond the usual ones. Aches and pains I can handle. I’ve been in prison. I’ve been in Super Hero battles. I have bruises in places it’s not even possible to suntan.

But this had a different texture to it. This was the pain of being worn-out and used up. All at once I realized: I must have come back as Old Man Scott.

I helpfully let my teammates know: “Oh…my back!”

Bruce responded by banging on his console a few times, until suddenly, again, Zap! Suck!

Moments later, I was popped back out once again. Now that space helmet felt gigantic around my head. And the air blowing around inside the helmet was cooling off my…apparently suddenly bald head? It was so frigging weird. And all I wanted to do was offer my own, college-trained scientific observation: “Guys, this is so frigging weird!”

But agonizingly, I couldn’t form a word to save my life.

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