Live Wire by Kelly Ripa

Author:Kelly Ripa
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins

“Beauty fades. Dumb lasts forever.”

—JUDGE JUDY

Chapter Nine

Aging Gracefully: The Big Lie

They say that one should grow old gracefully. I don’t know who “they” is exactly, but they is wrong, and they most certainly never had a job working in front of a camera. Of course, given pandemic work from home conditions for the past few years, most of us work on camera now. So, I hope they feel like an asshole, because they truly are.

The current on-camera reality has seen a boom in cosmetic procedures. I would imagine that some of the most thriving businesses these days besides TikTok and Amazon are the ones owned by plastic surgeons and cosmetic dermatologists. This is not something I know for certain, but there has to be some correlation between the size of my plastic surgeon’s house and the amount of time we are now required to be on screen. It just stands to reason, and they deserve it. They do God’s work, after all, or at least the work God should have done. It’s as if the entire world has woken up to what I have known for nearly all of my thirty-plus years in show business—aging is not for pussies and should be avoided at all costs by everyone with the exception of a chosen handful of people. Men, of course, get to age, but only the men who look good doing it.

Social media trolls get to age, but only the ones with dogs as avatars and private accounts. These people always fit the same profile. They are very triggered by anyone in a bathing suit or on their way to exercise class. The bio that appears underneath the avatar almost always says something along the lines of: “proud gramma, love my guns, my Bible, and my country.”

Radio hosts get to age, but only if they remain on the radio and don’t dare venture into television. Unfortunately, the pull to the camera seems too strong for many a radio star to ignore. The more of a face for radio a deejay has, the greater their need to be on camera. Lucky us.

Writers also get to age. Especially the ones who go by their initials.

TV, film, and theater critics and tabloid journalists all get to age and simultaneously point out how aged everyone else looks while using a headshot from 1979 next to their byline (the one taken right after their first face-lift).

Of course, I say all of this with a wink and a nod because I know someday I’ll be faced with my face, and I hope I have the courage to go through with the Botox on my face should I ever need it. HA! Keep reading. The reality is people’s opinions toward cosmetic work changes over time, along with their needs. And when I say cosmetic work, I’m talking everything from teeth whitening, the gateway cosmetic procedure, to a full neck lift, which I haven’t had yet but will soon, perhaps by the end of this book. Frankly if

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