Liquid by Mark Miodownik

Author:Mark Miodownik
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9780241977316
Publisher: Penguin Books Ltd
Published: 2018-07-06T16:00:00+00:00

8. Cleansing

As I stumbled towards the loo, I felt more than a little uncertain on my feet; my bad knee clicked, and I occasionally lost my balance as the aeroplane rumbled through the stratosphere. There were blankets half covering slumbering passengers, and as I progressed down the aisle, I got quick snapshots of my fellow passengers’ viewing habits as they watched their liquid-crystal displays: a woman singing on stage; a judge wearing a wig, looking stern in a courtroom; Spider-Man leaping. Some people were sleeping, and some were tapping away at their laptops, their faces illuminated by their screens. When I finally got to the end of the aisle, the toilets were all occupied and I had to wait in the corridor with the cabin crew squeezing past me to serve the passengers in Business Class. I glanced enviously through the gap in the curtain that separated us and caught a glimpse of reclining passengers, being ministered to like Roman emperors. Then I heard the click of the lock being slid back, and saw a bright light burst forth from the toilet. A man quickly and impassively vacated the cubicle. Did I detect a slight look of apology on his face? I braced myself for a potential horrible smell as I entered the stall, but was relieved to find the air smelled neutral, with a hint of synthetic lemon.

I lifted the toilet seat, had a long pee, and then pressed a button to initiate the vacuum flush mechanism. I always find this a little threatening. The sucking and roaring goes on a little too long, as if to say: ‘Yeah, who you looking at? I could suck you down this little hole too.’ I turned to the basin to wash my hands and was confronted by two bottles with pump-action dispensers. I went for the one that looked most like soap and gave the bottle a couple of pumps, and it squirted a clear, yellow liquid into my hand. I’ve never really liked liquid soap; I object to the squirting action. It always reminds me of a small pet that pees with fright into your hand the moment you pick it up.

When I was growing up, liquid soap hadn’t been invented. We just had bars of soap. These were so ubiquitous that basins were manufactured with indentations specifically designed to hold the soap so it wouldn’t slip on to the floor or into the sink bowl. Now bars of soap are in the minority, and becoming ever less popular. So is this progress? Is liquid soap really so much better than bars? Or is liquid soap just a modern fad, marketed to us on false pretences, something that will eventually disappear like flared trousers and CDs?

It’s hard to say, without first understanding the advantages and disadvantages of normal soap. Soap is a miraculous substance. You can wash yourself with the clearest, purest, hottest water, but you will not get rid of any of the oily, grimy muck that’s caked on to your skin.

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