Life Lessons by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Author:Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Scribner

When we look at the night sky, we are literally seeing the past. We see the sky not as it is tonight, but as it looked years ago, from a few to a million, for that’s how long it takes the light from the closest of the distant stars to reach Earth.

We have much the same experience with other people. Think, for example, about the neighborhood troublemaker from when you were young. If you thought he was a problem back then, you will be cautions when you see him today because you will see him as he was, not as he is.

How many of us see our parents as who they are today? That’s a pretty big task, given our strong early impression of our parents as all-wise giants. Just as strong are our memories of them as the terrible meanies who wouldn’t let us wear our hair a certain way, stay out all night, and ignore our homework. If you were to meet your friend’s father today, your impression of him might be more real than your friend’s because you wouldn’t be bringing extra baggage into the present reality. On the other hand, you would bring your impressions about fathers in general. If your friend’s father was a plumber, you would bring all your perceptions about plumbers; if he was elderly, you would superimpose your feelings about senior citizens; and so on. You would see the past in him, but in a different way from your friend.

We have similar reactions to all kinds of mundane events. Imagine a child being reared in a poor family. For him, the daily arrival of the mail is an unhappy time, for it brings notices from bill collectors that upset his parents terribly. Think of another child who loves the mail because it brings Dad’s frequent bonus checks and invitations to friends’ birthday parties. Now that the two children are grown-up, the first has a vaguely nervous reaction to the arrival of the mail, while the other waits for it with happy anticipation. Their feelings have nothing to do with the content of their mail today; they see the mail in the past.

We tend not to know who others are today—and the same holds true for ourselves. We generally see ourselves as we were, or as we want to be, rather than as who we really are.

There is a wonderful freedom in knowing that who we were yesterday does not absolutely define who we are now. You need not be chained to your past. Many of us wake up every morning and shower, washing off yesterday’s dirt, yet still carrying yesterday’s emotional stuff. It doesn’t have to be that way. We can become new and begin anew, we can greet the day fresh and clean—if we can focus our awareness on the present, if we can see life as it really is. When we’re not living in the moment, we don’t really see each other or ourselves. And if we’re not living in the moment, we can’t find happiness.

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